Playdates, Networking, & Date Nights…

“Once you have children that’s who you are. There’s no way around that. That’s who I am. Your body switches off. I had no desire to date or anything.” ~ Charlize Theron~

Between balancing a hectic and busy business schedule, being inedited  with tasks and travel, and running my kid to various sporting events and after-school activities,  adding in a date night can seem arduous.

It’s hard enough keeping up with the snack schedule or finding my kid’s sock… or putting on GI Joe’s leg after Hulk pounds him to the ground to remembering to pick up Kids Bop 3227 when it releases…

…And NOW I am supposed to meet him for drinks? Ain’t nobody got time for that!

….So I thought.

The truth is, I knew I didn’t want to be single forever. Heck, there is still plenty of good in me that I know is destined for WIFE status. And damn sure there is MORE to me than being a baby mama! So why was I counting myself out?

There are a lot of reasons that I put out there and they probably aren’t too far from some of yours too….

“I don’t have time to go on a date because I have my son.”

“I don’t have anything to wear because I only have Mom jeans.”

“I haven’t been out in so long, I don’t even know what to say.”

“Ugh…he probably doesn’t want to really date a woman with a kid.”

No matter what the reasons… they panned out to be one thing: EXCUSES. Continue reading Playdates, Networking, & Date Nights…

My First Valentine

Valentine’s Day is behind us, and without a blink, the stores have tucked away items for next year or marked down canodies and chocolates. For those who are still sulking about not having a Valentine on Tuesday, please stop. You have been single the last 45 days of 2017, and before that there was a whole 365 days to get prepared. On a more compassionate side, ladies and gentleman… it is just one day.

And rightfully so, I am so GLAD it’s over. And this has nothing to do with the fact that I’m “single.” Because quite honestly, I have been single for quite a few of them, and I have never been more happy to be single and in love with who I am. In fact others feel just like me. According to a National Survey, indicated that 72% of singles enjoy Valentine’s Day and 50% of singles are proud of their single status on Valentine’s Day. Moreover, 24% of singles add to the hype of Valentine’s Day purchases by buying gifts for themselves. And, if any of the “singulars” are anything like me…. you just continued to move forward with your routine. After all, it was Tuesday and I had some consulting to do.

But Valentine’s Day really made me do some serious reflecting on my love life, and my dissatisfaction with Valentine’s Day overall. I discovered that even though I absolutely adore the gifts and seeing the posts on social media of couples across the world celebrating LOVE, I really could care less to receive anything or cater to the hype. And this is not to barrage anyone with my feelings that “Valentine’s Day should be everyday,” but I can admit that I unDENYably just don’t like to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

My love affair began and ended with Cupid when I was in middle school. Yes, middle school. Am I harboring feelings from childhood wounds? Probably. Do I care? Not at all. But I remember being in middle school and celebrating my FIRST Valentine’s Day. Let me just say that while I’m  a sure fire hot mom with the MILF status….(you don’t have to agree, but I own my sexy)… I was quite the Ugly Betty back in the day. I was a tomboy beyond no compare, and I HATED to actually wear clothes that showed my feminine frame. I was an athlete by all definitions. I enjoyed wearing hats and basketball shorts or sweat pants, baggy jeans and big shirts, and my hair…. ugh, I dreaded going to Ms. Maggie’s Beauty Shop. So, yeah I wasn’t at all lined up to receive Valentine’s Day gifts from the boys at school.

….So I thought…

Enter the boy I will call “MJ”. MJ was my buddy. We played sports in the same recreation league and we became fast friends. We talked in class and even exchanged phone numbers to talk after school. You can imagine how geeked I was when he asked me about what to get a girl for Valentine’s Day at lunch on February 13th. I was so excited when I shared ideas… balloons, card, a rose, and candy. Ooh… and small bear. MJ seemed like he was taking some good notes too because he thanked me and told me he would see me at school the next day.

So that night, I asked my dad to run me to the store so I could get a gift for MJ. Something cool to let him know how much I would appreciate the gift he was going to give me. I picked up a funny card and a box of chocolates. I mean after all, it was a boy. This day wasn’t about him. So the next day, I went to school, met MJ at his locker. We talked sports stuff, and then when the bell rang to get to class I reached into my backpack to grab his chocolates and card.

Now, MJ didn’t know that I saw him getting off the bus with my gift, but I figured that he stuffed it in his locker for the end of the day. Keeps people from asking questions about who gave me a gift, right? Smart move and I was eager all day. teddy-2061220_1920

Did I mention, I actually dressed up for Valentine’s Day in real girl clothes…which by definition was the dress shirt and sweater vest combo and a pair of jeans and clogs…. you get the point. MIDDLE SCHOOL! UGLY BETTY. Ooh… and I even tried to press out my hair!

Anyway, the end of the day came… and I headed over to MJ’s locker to get my gift. As I was walking up, guess what happened?

MJ was handing my gift over to “Elizabeth!” That B!+%=H STOLE MY VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT! She gave MJ a hug and thanked him as she added his gift to the handful of gifts she received. Yes, she was super pretty and all the boys liked her. He must have felt so accomplished to take a number in line because he had the biggest grin on his face.

I turned around and headed back down the hall, pretending to not hear him as he called my name.

That afternoon, I went home and cried my poor little eyes out. it was the first time I had ever cried over a boy (except for that time when Cortland Finnegan didn’t want me to play on the football team – yeah….I’m calling him out!).

Anyway, my dad came home from work, and asked me the infamous “What’s wrong daughty?” I told him about my heartbreaking moment, and he laughed at me. Seriously! He said that MJ was a short little wimp anyway and I could take him in both football and basketball so I shouldn’t cry. I dried up my face, because my dad was right….sorta.

I didn’t talk to MJ much after that. Eventually, we weren’t as cool, and I moved to another state after middle school so who knows where he is today. I never looked at Valentine’s Day the same. Even though I did have some REALLY awesome Valentines from high school and into adulthood, I have never quite forgotten how hurt I felt on my FIRST Valentine’s Day.

And I have received some pretty good gifts  over the years, many of which I still have and cherish the memory. I am thankful and happily exchange gifts, if my guy wants, and if he doesn’t it’s okay too.

To my followers…. now that Valentine’s Day is over…. what is your favorite or least favorite memory of Valentine’s Day? Do you remember the FIRST Valentine’s Day you celebrated with a crush or boyfriend/girlfriend? Leave me your memories  below.

And remember…. SELF-LOVE is LOVE we should celebrate on Valentine’s Day too!

What to Get Him for Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and for those of us who are dating and boo’d up, we know that it means celebrating this #1 Hallmark Holiday! While Valentine’s Day is notoriously celebrated as a “women’s holiday” to mark how much she is loved and admired, we cannot forget that our men need to be shown love too! So this week, Mancode Monday is devoted to helping you plan and consider some great gift ideas for him.

Without a doubt, men have it easy when it comes to shopping for their paramour and significant other. After all, Wal-mart, Hallmark, and every other retail store known to mankind is flocked full of cute stuffed animals, chocolates, and even cutesy little sleepwear that a man can find ANYWHERE with somewhat little effort. However, ladies….we know that i’s not as simple shopping for the men in our lives. After all, not many of them will be too thrilled at the idea of a stuffed frog.  Plus, with the Christmas holiday recently ending, I am quite sure that we have used up our great gift ideas and may be a little stunted on how to celebrate your love for him.

And for the record ladies buying a sexy set from Victoria Secret’s is a gift to yourself not to him.  While we know that it will be sexy and hot, the reality is he is already thinking of how you’re going to wear that for some other dude if you break up. It will certainly be a highlight to your night, but make sure you don’t preface it as you “I bought this for you” unless he desires to wear it and is into that sort of thing. Hey…no judgment if that’s your bedroom behavior.

Now…..in consulting with my “mancode” team, which by the way consists of a number of men who are married, dating, and happily playing the field (yup…the playboy) and range in age from their early 30s-to-early 40s, I asked them to share with me their gift ideas for Valentine’s Day. Let me begin by saying, that most men noted that they are not “fans” of February 14th.  And not because it’s not “their day” but because they feel they can show their love for their women more frequently then just this “one day.” (Slow clap to the men who make us feel special and appreciated and excites all of our lady parts!).  Keep in mind, that these are merely suggestions as every man is different and does not have the exact same taste as others. But, relatively speaking, most men would find great value in a few of these ideas.

5 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Him

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  1. Dinner. Believe it or not, a man just wants you to pick up the tab. Or better yet, to actually CHOOSE a place to eat without our typical “I dunno” or “I don’t care” when he asks. So for Valentine’s Day, do the unexpected and offer to take HIM out for dinner AFTER Valentine’s Day. Or, if you don’t want to pick up the check on this day, create  special gift certificate that he can redeem for dinner out on your next date night.
  2. Goodies Basket. Men love to know that you pay attention to their needs. Don’t you remember when Juno put all the tictacs in Paulie Bleeker’s mailbox? Yeah, guys actually like that you know his favorite things. It shows you pay attention to his snacks and treats. So grab a nice little basket and stuff it with his favorite goodies to let him know just how sweet he is!
  3. Hobby-related accessories. Is your man into motorcyles? How about purchasing him some new riding gloves or a new helmet or jacket.  Is he into gadgets or a techy? Check out some places like the Hobby Lobby for some cool new drones.
  4. Weekend Trip. Of course men are not expecting you to board a plan to Fiji or book a cruise to Jamaica, but a nice weekend hiking, fishing, or even to an upcoming basketball game is WINNER!
  5. Sex! And lots of it. This is no surprise. They are horndogs! Whether it’s oral sex or just a spontaneous quickie in the car, men just want it! And for Valentine’s Day they just want it to he EXTRA! So sext him. Stop by his job or meeting him at home for LUNCH!

Hopefully, this gives women some insights into what to get him for Valentine’s Day. Of course, as stated, this is not reflective of ALL men. If you have other great gift ideas, drop them below!

💜