Playdates, Networking, & Date Nights…

“Once you have children that’s who you are. There’s no way around that. That’s who I am. Your body switches off. I had no desire to date or anything.” ~ Charlize Theron~

Between balancing a hectic and busy business schedule, being inedited  with tasks and travel, and running my kid to various sporting events and after-school activities,  adding in a date night can seem arduous.

It’s hard enough keeping up with the snack schedule or finding my kid’s sock… or putting on GI Joe’s leg after Hulk pounds him to the ground to remembering to pick up Kids Bop 3227 when it releases…

…And NOW I am supposed to meet him for drinks? Ain’t nobody got time for that!

….So I thought.

The truth is, I knew I didn’t want to be single forever. Heck, there is still plenty of good in me that I know is destined for WIFE status. And damn sure there is MORE to me than being a baby mama! So why was I counting myself out?

There are a lot of reasons that I put out there and they probably aren’t too far from some of yours too….

“I don’t have time to go on a date because I have my son.”

“I don’t have anything to wear because I only have Mom jeans.”

“I haven’t been out in so long, I don’t even know what to say.”

“Ugh…he probably doesn’t want to really date a woman with a kid.”

No matter what the reasons… they panned out to be one thing: EXCUSES. Continue reading Playdates, Networking, & Date Nights…

trust the magic of beginnings

“And suddenly you know…it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”

Well hello 2018! And hello to you again! I really have to stop treating you like this. It feels too much like one of my past relationships….

….On again-Off again…

…..Show up when I want some attention.

…..MY BAD. I’m Sorry.

But I have missed writing and sharing with you (and other bloggers).

Hate to say that it has been really busy… (<—again like what was said in my past relationships)… but it has been really busy. Hell, my busy-ness is one of the reasons why I stayed in the singles lane for a bit. But for real… I have been working my socks off over here in Virginia and now that I have had some time to rest my big head, I am looking forward to some magical beginnings in 2018!

So how did you usher in the new year? Were you boo’d up, boozed up, givin’ it up, or fed up?

Me…I welcomed my new year the way I started it…. alone on the couch watching Hallmark Christmas Movies. I added a box of tissues and a bottle of OJ this time around. Why…? Because I was sick and exhausted. My boyfriend…

…YES THERE IS STILL A BAE…

…was on the phone with me as we counted down the final seconds of 2017. After that I was out faster than the BC Powder I got the next morning.

But the feeling of welcoming 2018 was far more different than last year. Why? Because rolling into 2018 I have come full circle with celebrating my life as it’s happening… anew.

Continue reading trust the magic of beginnings

Single…or nah?

I am a little guilty. I am that friend that seems to go M.I.A. when I am boo’d up! I’m sorry. But I do. So it should be no surprise, that I have gone M.I.A. because “boo” has my time. But…I promise, I am still just as committed to you too!

So what have I have been doing in the past few weeks, and who is the “boo” who has stolen my time and attention…?

well….sorry to disappoint you, but BOO… it’s not just a guy!

Building my empire has kept me QUITE busy these days. Do you realize how freaking time consuming it is to do social media posts to Instagram and Facebook, manage two blogs, content development and website management, keep an email marketing list, plus manage my consulting clients for training and speaking engagements and respond to emails and questions from coaching clients? And this women’s retreat that I am planning, workbooks, e-coaching programs, PLUS I just moved into a new office and I have yet to unpack or settle in…..

YIKESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Let’s not even add in the fact that I am A BUSY co-parenting Mom with all the primary responsibilities and daily duties (BASICALLY… #singlemom).

So that means my hips have been running behind my 6 year old building Legos and playing Ninja Turtles or Avengers (complete with costumes of course), tending to homework 3 nights a week, participating in PTA meetings or functions and completing my officer responsibilities as the Secretary (and boy is our PTA busy with great family engagement and involvement), AND getting it in on the field as Team Mom of my son’s flag football team (Go Chiefs!).

All I can say about that relationship is that I’m ready to pull my hair out, and my lil natural teeny weeny afro needs to grow!

Hell, I am lucky to see a shower daily, sleep for 6.5hrs a day, and make it to my Zumba classes and the gym! Yay…GO ME! Because these 15 extra pounds look great in some areas, but not in my midsection.

And the Mr. ….because that’s what you really wanna know, right? So where does he fit in? Believe it or not, we literally schedule our time together. Like seriously, pencil you in  kind of thing. BeSingle or Nahtween all of my “building my empire” as Super Mom, and him running things in his career, AND us living 2 hours apart…. we have to schedule our time.

And guess what…I marvel and relish in the time that we get to spend together. ALONE! And that means I completely unplug. No emails. No work. Just the two of us.

Which is how it should be and how I LIKE it!

To be honest, if we had lived closer to each other, this thing that we are building would pretty much be non-existent. 

Truth is, distance and our busy-ness has been great because it has allowed us the time to get to know each other. We talk about our dreams and aspirations, things that happen in the day, our plans for the week, and the conversations seem endless.  Did I mention I am a sapiosexual? Conversations and intellect will get you VERY far with me.

Hey….

…get your mind…

….out of the gutter.

So… SINGLE…? Undenyably…YES! Because just like building my empire, building a relationship is about investing time, effort, and you into what you desire.

AND…THAT…TAKES…PATIENCE.

I didn’t just jump into my business and say, “let’s do it.” NO! I pitched around some ideas and drafted up some supporting details. I made a business plan and found that some things didn’t work and needed tweaking. I launched my services, and I continue to make adjustments that tailor to my IDEAL market.?

You have to put that same effort into a new relationship.

  • You have to pitch around the idea and consider some supporting details. Am I ready to date? Am I okay with being rejected? Do I know where to even look for potential dating partners? Should I start with online or blind dating first?Single and Happy - Sex and the City
  • You have to make a plan. Are we dating exclusively? Are we going to be intimate before monogamy? Do I have a sitter when I need that alone time? —> very important single mamas!
  • You have to launch and adjust. Where is the relationship going? Can I let go of the control and let things develop naturally? Can I let go of a relationship that is not promising despite how much I like the person? Are moving too fast?

Biggest and most parallel to building my empire and building a relationship is the fact that you have to JUMP! Let go of fear and talking yourself out of it, and JUST put yourself out there.

Yeah, businesses can fail or you may have to step back with some things because you get too ambitious. But SO WHAT?! You learn from the mistakes and mishaps. Just like when you got all excited about “him” and post pictures and then tell your girlfriends only to realize he is a nevermind….and guess what? YOU TRY AGAIN!

Learn and grow! With that…. I will keep learning and growing. And building.

Look forward to the things coming soon. Because just as I am growing in my business, so is my reach to you. You can expect more from my dating experiences (past and present). I will also be featuring guest bloggers, really good tips, PLUS some things for my single moms who are dating.

So drop me a line or two if you if you’re still with me and share what you been up to! Don’t forget to share with your friends and follow me on IG: @bfecoach!

~xoxo~

 

Checking ME Out!

Well….it’s Saturday! Finally!!!!! I have been on the run all week between multiple PTA functions for my son’s school, facilitating a staff training for an agency, meeting with clients, and OF COURSE wearing my important hat fulfilling Mommy duties. And, I even managed to make it to the gym twice this week. Now, singulars I like my cute gym clothes, aka my fitted shirts and booty hugging leggings. Well, apparently someone else did too because I received some nice compliments from men AND women!

I can admit it made me feel good. And I took the compliments with appreciation and worked harder to “prove” how committed I was to my workout. Truth being told I WAS STRUGGLING thru it! Hell, I felt like my butt was about to topple me over on the treadmill, and my chest was pounding! My ass ain’t been in a gym consistently in 3 months. And the two days weekly just started last week.

When I finished my workout, I checked myself out in the mirror, and I saw a whole different reflection. I saw the 10lbs I gained since October, the bags under my eyes, and the shaky legs and trembling hands, and I could feel the weary heart working so hard to recuperate. Like I said….I have been struggling and “I’se ti’de boss!!!”

Since going full-time in my business, I have been focused on building and expanding. I have been taking on new clients and consulting, plus I still have to be full-time at home and fulfill my community duties. And rightfully so….my life is reflecting my need to rest, relax, and seek relief!

adult-1869758_1920

Today, I curled up on my couch with my son, turned on two Disney movies, and slept thru a beautiful sunny day after my son insisted I take a nap because I was cranky and irritable. Against all of my desires to get up and clean up, I tried to “relax.” And… I did. That near 3 hr nap was lovely.

I am also trying to find my second wind and get back in my element. To return to my regular exercise and get back on my regular eating schedule. And sleep….I need to get in bed and ACTUALLY rest for more than 4 hours a night.  But damnit, it’s hard! Especially when trying to balance it ALL! And to be perfectly transparent, I am tense and stressed…but not stressed out.

According to the Child Development Institute, chronic tension can cause sleep disturbance, increased or decreased appetite, headaches, stomach aches, poor concentration or irritability, and our immune system can be weakened thus, making us more susceptible to colds and other infections.

Fortunately, I am not there…. but I recognize that if I don’t make any changes to my GO-GO-GO mindset and slow down a tab, I can be. The truth is, I have to place some limitations. I have to check ME out…regularly.

So next week, after I am rested and recharged, I am committing to hitting my workout flow 3x a week. To increase my  water intake, and eat MORE balanced meals. And to carry my hips to bed before 2am! Don’t judge…thats a big step for me! Who knows….maybe I will be able to FINALLY run that 8k this summer!

Have you been checking YOU out? Do you see your body wearing down, and if so, what are you doing about it?

~M

I’ve been a little…M.I.A.

Hey hey hey!!!!! I’m back in my unDENYably SINgle world!!! And guess what I have been doing? A LOT OF THINGS TO BE A BETTER RESOURCE TO YOU!

So….in the past two weeks life has been a whirlwind! And….I have been thinking of how I can make my blog much better for you, especially as I am reaching more and more followers and know that many will join us on this journey. With that, I am committed to blogging more, and giving you some, hopefully, rich content that you will be able to apply to your fabulously single (or dating…) life! But here is an update on what I have been up to…

Over the past two weeks, I launched my Create Your Vision (Board) Parties in the Richmond-metro and Virginia Beach areas! They were absolutely fab so a “big thanks” goes out to ALL of the participants who came out to celebrate my 2017 seminar launch and to get a better handle on their goals. I was able to connect with about 50 people at these events, and I was extremely happy to see so many different dynamics in the workshops…women and men who were in the retirement and second launch phase, couples who were considering next steps in their relationships, single mothers who were trying to re-map their family and personal goals, and men who were also exploring the single life and pursuing professional passions.

Next up….I  have a few things on my plate that I am planning and working towards offering my followers and coaching clients including a relationship enrichment seminar that will upcoming-eventsfocus on supporting my dating and newly married couples.  This seminar will be moderated by me and led with the help of my wonderfully and blissfully married couples at various stages in their marriages.  In addition, I will be facilitating other seminars that focus on co-parenting without the baby mama/baby daddy drama, and communicating better in relationships. AND….I am launching a free e-course in March that will focus on managing and maintaining a successful (and HAPPY) single life!

You can certainly join my email list to get updates on my upcoming workshops plus tips and resources that you may find helpful with parenting and dating as well! Plus, for signing up, you get two resources to help you better understand your child’s behavior and to help you maintain a successful relationship!

Now…onto the juicy things, which is why you are here, right? My dating life….. Ummm….It’s still there. My phone hasn’t been dry that’s for sure. AYYYEEEE!!! And….I’ve taken an interest in someone.

Yes….I know…. right!

I am taking things slow, and not rushing at all. We are still in the friendship stage with a WHOLE lot of attraction to each other. I will share more…maybe…when it reaches a relationship. Until then…. that’s all you get! Ha! Hey…. I have my reasons for keeping my relationship to myself, and I will actually talk about that in a future blog post (stay tuned)!

And speaking of FUTURE BLOG POSTS…. Guess what SINgluars (my new name for my fellow followers)? I AM COMMITTED to actually keeping you packed with some useful resources and STILL adding in my own twists and dating stories (and yours too so don’t forget to send them to me)! Each week, I will be blowing you up with posts to keep it real, to remain insightful, and to engage you in some discussions about the single life, dating and relationships, and even parenting and navigating relationships when children are in the mix. Here is a detailed look at what you can expect from me in the future:

undenyably-single

 

  • MANCODE Mondays: That’s right ladies… we are cracking the code, sorta! Each Monday I will offer you the man’s perspective on various topics.  Utilizing interviews, polls, and research, we will get an insight into how men really think and feel about issues, such as waiting to have sex, commitment and marriage, and so much more!
  • HUMP DAY Wednesdays: Keep your pants on….its not ALWAYS about sex! But we will be talking about SEX BABY! But…I will be exploring intimacy on more than just a physical level to help us truly reach the BIG O!
  • TALK-IT-OUT Thursdays: This is the chance to talk about relationships and the dynamics that come with them as we date. You can expect stories from me and my followers and even more about how to navigate through these challenges.
  • SINgle Saturdays: Whether you are actively seeking, dating, or happily single, I will share more about taking care of your star player….YOU! From self-care and guilty pleasures, to finding the perfect date night outfit or activity, and even some thoughts on creating your dating profile, these blogs will be all about how to put the best you forward.

I thank you so kindly  for sticking with me! Down below….let me know what you think about the upcoming schedule, and let me know if there is anything that is pressing you. Leave it in the comments or contact me directly!

 

Kisses!

unDENYably…New Year, New Me?

“A New Year’s resolution is a tradition in which a person resolves to change an undesired trait or behavior.” ~ New Year’s Resolution (Wikipedia)

The ball is getting ready to drop in a little over 24 hours, and I am happy to report that I have not seen the tired “New Year, New Me” post on any of social media platforms.  Now that it is not to say that they are not coming because somewhere, someone is going to drop that line.

new-year-new-me

Maybe it’s the  83% asshole in me (I took a quiz on Facebook and I will share another time), but I just have a real question…

….WHAT THE HELL DOES “NEW YEAR, NEW ME,” MEAN?

I mean last year, it was NEW YEAR, NEW ME. And the year before that, it was NEW YEAR, NEW ME. You follow where I’m going?

Yet, here we are, still looking at the same you. Sure you may have changed your hair color or switched up the dreadful, saggy skinny jeans style, but you are still physically the same person.

And if we are still getting the same updates on your ever-changing relationship status or your baby mama issues then that is the same you and maybe we should totally hit the unfollow or unfriend button. Newsflash… no one cares about how many times your “baby mama” took you for a child support review, despite how many likes you receive.

Oh… my all time favorite, for which I have been guilty too, is the post for which you say “I’m going to stop posting or giving attention to social media” all while posting it as a status on…

….ding

……ding….

……ding

..…social media.

I say this because if each year you resolve to have a NEW YEAR, NEW ME, but you are still doing the same thing as you did before, you are not going to make much growth.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with making resolutions or trying to break away from the “old” you.  Again, by definition, a resolution is a resolve to change an undesired trait or behavior. So perhaps we should focus on the undesired traits or behaviors that we need to change, in order to fully develop into a BETTER version of ourselves.

So instead of seeing a changed hairdo as a new invention of ourselves, let us resolve to be happy with who we are, unconditionally.

Or instead of the degrading “baby mama” or “baby daddy” posts, let us resolve to talk to the other person whom we slept with and made a baby to talk about how WE can parent OUR child together.

Lastly, use social media to follow people who actually have some substantial information to share.  If you enjoy following celebrities and reality stars, that’s great, but please do not allow these individuals to serve as a source for your business or relationship platform (again…another discussion for another day). Instead, follow professionals that provide live discussions or webinars on savings, stocks and bonds, and business development, something that will be fruitful in your personal growth.

Now this is no shade towards anyone who has made these posts or who have planned to make this as a post in the future, but I encourage you to look at this time of year as a way to start thinking about the goals that you can align with your resolutions.  Really take the opportunity to be deliberate in identifying what you hope to accomplish in the coming year.

As a single woman…a single mother…and a professional in the counseling world, I strongly believe in the power of setting goals and making plans to reach these goals. And I am not just talking about putting words on paper or speaking pretentiously into the air. I truly encourage you to set goals that are S.M.A.R.T.:

  • Specific
  • Measurable and meaningful
  • Attainable and achievable
  • Realistic and reasonable
  • Timely and trackable

Following these steps will definitely help you to create a plan to become a BETTER you in the new year. After all, “a goal without a plan is just a wish.” (Antoine de Saint)

To help you, my friends and followers, to develop SMART goals for 2017, I highly encourage you to join me for one of my FREE vision parties next month. At this free event, I will help you to not only develop your vision for the new year, but I will also connect you with some wonderful resources to help you follow through on obtaining these goals.

And, if it is not enough to offer this event FREE, there are two chances for you to connect with me:

Richmond-metro (VA) – January 19, 2017: 6pm-7:30pm

Location: Clover Hill Library, 6701  Deer Run Dr, Midlothian, VA 23112

Hampton-Roads (VA) – January 26, 2017: 6pm-7:30pm

Location: TBD

I hope to see you there, but space is limited. So don’t be that wedding guest that shows up without an RSVP after all meals have been paid and accounted. Reserve your spot today at www.beginningsfamilyenrichment.com/store/p16/VisionParty!

Until next time, Happy New Year!

UnDENYably… I’m Single!

“Isn’t there a danger that you’ll get so good at being single, so set in your ways, that you’ll miss out on the chance to be with somebody great?” ~ “How to be Single”

So, I felt that this pretty much sums up my new blogging life of me sharing about the fact that I’m single and coming “unhinged” in Singlesland for reasons that sometimes point to the obvious. In a nutshell, there are true moments when I fear that I’m going to become so accustomed to being single that I’m not going to know what it’s like to be with someone else. Or hell, I get to a point where I don’t even know if I really even want to be in a relationship to be honest.

Which brings me…here. Of course I never thought that I’d be in the “30-something never married” category, but here I am! I tend to think that I have a pretty good life with a lot to offer my man-to-be. And it sucks because I really am a good catch. I’m athletic, funny, ambitious, an outgoing homebody, affectionate, and easy to please. And did I mention I’m a kickass Mom?! Oh….And…sex…I LOVE IT. ALOT! Like REALLY! Sounds pretty dope, right? So then it is no coincidence that my singledom comes as a shock for me too. And apparently people have become so awe-struck because they seem to ask that dumb ass question after only a few minutes of conversation with me….you know the Why are you single? as if my own reality hasn’t explored that aspect of life before.

Now I’m sure there are many reasons for which my great and close friends can justify my relationship status. I can hear them now saying things like, “You’re single because you have picked the wrong guys,” or “You held on to relationships that should have ended months (shit even years) before they were finally over.” And I can say without a doubt that more explanations will become clearer on my journey of self-discovery. However, there is one rationale that I can definitely identify with at this time…and that is, “I am single because I choose to be single,” and I am not sure if I want to be anything else but single…

….. Or do I?

My unDENYing truth is that I have treated love as my job in more recent times. I have somehow managed to separate my love for love from my love life. I’m like The Wedding Planner and real-life Hitch helping others in their own walks of love while I enjoy the coldness of the other side of the bed…eh…on most nights. But as a Marriage and Family Counselor who coaches singles, dating couples, and married spouses, I am challenged by those who wonder why they should take my advice, if I can’t help myself.

Well…here’s a litle reality check, you dont have to be an addict to counsel people with addictions. But what you do need to do is to have the experiences, methodologies, and proven practices that work and lead to the greatest success. Don’t believe me, look at the best coaches and analysts in sports. Not all of them have a ring.

UnDENYably, with my many disaster dates, jerk faces, and inconsistent situationships, I can certainly share with you the right and wrong ways to seek and maintain healthy and happy relationships. So follow me on my road down Singles Lane, as I share some stories and thoughts of me navigating being single, to dating, and hopefully balancing a relationship in my crazy/beautiful life using my OWN tips and advice.

Whatever my motivations, decisions, or dilemmas, I ask you to grab a seat, pull up, and hold on for the ride. And if you have any stories or thoughts to share about your history of singledom, or on mine, leave me a message below…or send them my way at justissingle@gmail.com.

Until next time, kisses to you and my UNDENIABLY  Single Life!!