I’ve been a little…M.I.A.

Hey hey hey!!!!! I’m back in my unDENYably SINgle world!!! And guess what I have been doing? A LOT OF THINGS TO BE A BETTER RESOURCE TO YOU!

So….in the past two weeks life has been a whirlwind! And….I have been thinking of how I can make my blog much better for you, especially as I am reaching more and more followers and know that many will join us on this journey. With that, I am committed to blogging more, and giving you some, hopefully, rich content that you will be able to apply to your fabulously single (or dating…) life! But here is an update on what I have been up to…

Over the past two weeks, I launched my Create Your Vision (Board) Parties in the Richmond-metro and Virginia Beach areas! They were absolutely fab so a “big thanks” goes out to ALL of the participants who came out to celebrate my 2017 seminar launch and to get a better handle on their goals. I was able to connect with about 50 people at these events, and I was extremely happy to see so many different dynamics in the workshops…women and men who were in the retirement and second launch phase, couples who were considering next steps in their relationships, single mothers who were trying to re-map their family and personal goals, and men who were also exploring the single life and pursuing professional passions.

Next up….I  have a few things on my plate that I am planning and working towards offering my followers and coaching clients including a relationship enrichment seminar that will upcoming-eventsfocus on supporting my dating and newly married couples.  This seminar will be moderated by me and led with the help of my wonderfully and blissfully married couples at various stages in their marriages.  In addition, I will be facilitating other seminars that focus on co-parenting without the baby mama/baby daddy drama, and communicating better in relationships. AND….I am launching a free e-course in March that will focus on managing and maintaining a successful (and HAPPY) single life!

You can certainly join my email list to get updates on my upcoming workshops plus tips and resources that you may find helpful with parenting and dating as well! Plus, for signing up, you get two resources to help you better understand your child’s behavior and to help you maintain a successful relationship!

Now…onto the juicy things, which is why you are here, right? My dating life….. Ummm….It’s still there. My phone hasn’t been dry that’s for sure. AYYYEEEE!!! And….I’ve taken an interest in someone.

Yes….I know…. right!

I am taking things slow, and not rushing at all. We are still in the friendship stage with a WHOLE lot of attraction to each other. I will share more…maybe…when it reaches a relationship. Until then…. that’s all you get! Ha! Hey…. I have my reasons for keeping my relationship to myself, and I will actually talk about that in a future blog post (stay tuned)!

And speaking of FUTURE BLOG POSTS…. Guess what SINgluars (my new name for my fellow followers)? I AM COMMITTED to actually keeping you packed with some useful resources and STILL adding in my own twists and dating stories (and yours too so don’t forget to send them to me)! Each week, I will be blowing you up with posts to keep it real, to remain insightful, and to engage you in some discussions about the single life, dating and relationships, and even parenting and navigating relationships when children are in the mix. Here is a detailed look at what you can expect from me in the future:

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  • MANCODE Mondays: That’s right ladies… we are cracking the code, sorta! Each Monday I will offer you the man’s perspective on various topics.  Utilizing interviews, polls, and research, we will get an insight into how men really think and feel about issues, such as waiting to have sex, commitment and marriage, and so much more!
  • HUMP DAY Wednesdays: Keep your pants on….its not ALWAYS about sex! But we will be talking about SEX BABY! But…I will be exploring intimacy on more than just a physical level to help us truly reach the BIG O!
  • TALK-IT-OUT Thursdays: This is the chance to talk about relationships and the dynamics that come with them as we date. You can expect stories from me and my followers and even more about how to navigate through these challenges.
  • SINgle Saturdays: Whether you are actively seeking, dating, or happily single, I will share more about taking care of your star player….YOU! From self-care and guilty pleasures, to finding the perfect date night outfit or activity, and even some thoughts on creating your dating profile, these blogs will be all about how to put the best you forward.

I thank you so kindly  for sticking with me! Down below….let me know what you think about the upcoming schedule, and let me know if there is anything that is pressing you. Leave it in the comments or contact me directly!

 

Kisses!

unDENYably…New Year, New Me?

“A New Year’s resolution is a tradition in which a person resolves to change an undesired trait or behavior.” ~ New Year’s Resolution (Wikipedia)

The ball is getting ready to drop in a little over 24 hours, and I am happy to report that I have not seen the tired “New Year, New Me” post on any of social media platforms.  Now that it is not to say that they are not coming because somewhere, someone is going to drop that line.

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Maybe it’s the  83% asshole in me (I took a quiz on Facebook and I will share another time), but I just have a real question…

….WHAT THE HELL DOES “NEW YEAR, NEW ME,” MEAN?

I mean last year, it was NEW YEAR, NEW ME. And the year before that, it was NEW YEAR, NEW ME. You follow where I’m going?

Yet, here we are, still looking at the same you. Sure you may have changed your hair color or switched up the dreadful, saggy skinny jeans style, but you are still physically the same person.

And if we are still getting the same updates on your ever-changing relationship status or your baby mama issues then that is the same you and maybe we should totally hit the unfollow or unfriend button. Newsflash… no one cares about how many times your “baby mama” took you for a child support review, despite how many likes you receive.

Oh… my all time favorite, for which I have been guilty too, is the post for which you say “I’m going to stop posting or giving attention to social media” all while posting it as a status on…

….ding

……ding….

……ding

..…social media.

I say this because if each year you resolve to have a NEW YEAR, NEW ME, but you are still doing the same thing as you did before, you are not going to make much growth.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with making resolutions or trying to break away from the “old” you.  Again, by definition, a resolution is a resolve to change an undesired trait or behavior. So perhaps we should focus on the undesired traits or behaviors that we need to change, in order to fully develop into a BETTER version of ourselves.

So instead of seeing a changed hairdo as a new invention of ourselves, let us resolve to be happy with who we are, unconditionally.

Or instead of the degrading “baby mama” or “baby daddy” posts, let us resolve to talk to the other person whom we slept with and made a baby to talk about how WE can parent OUR child together.

Lastly, use social media to follow people who actually have some substantial information to share.  If you enjoy following celebrities and reality stars, that’s great, but please do not allow these individuals to serve as a source for your business or relationship platform (again…another discussion for another day). Instead, follow professionals that provide live discussions or webinars on savings, stocks and bonds, and business development, something that will be fruitful in your personal growth.

Now this is no shade towards anyone who has made these posts or who have planned to make this as a post in the future, but I encourage you to look at this time of year as a way to start thinking about the goals that you can align with your resolutions.  Really take the opportunity to be deliberate in identifying what you hope to accomplish in the coming year.

As a single woman…a single mother…and a professional in the counseling world, I strongly believe in the power of setting goals and making plans to reach these goals. And I am not just talking about putting words on paper or speaking pretentiously into the air. I truly encourage you to set goals that are S.M.A.R.T.:

  • Specific
  • Measurable and meaningful
  • Attainable and achievable
  • Realistic and reasonable
  • Timely and trackable

Following these steps will definitely help you to create a plan to become a BETTER you in the new year. After all, “a goal without a plan is just a wish.” (Antoine de Saint)

To help you, my friends and followers, to develop SMART goals for 2017, I highly encourage you to join me for one of my FREE vision parties next month. At this free event, I will help you to not only develop your vision for the new year, but I will also connect you with some wonderful resources to help you follow through on obtaining these goals.

And, if it is not enough to offer this event FREE, there are two chances for you to connect with me:

Richmond-metro (VA) – January 19, 2017: 6pm-7:30pm

Location: Clover Hill Library, 6701  Deer Run Dr, Midlothian, VA 23112

Hampton-Roads (VA) – January 26, 2017: 6pm-7:30pm

Location: TBD

I hope to see you there, but space is limited. So don’t be that wedding guest that shows up without an RSVP after all meals have been paid and accounted. Reserve your spot today at www.beginningsfamilyenrichment.com/store/p16/VisionParty!

Until next time, Happy New Year!

UnDENYably…Hallmark got me F’d Up!

I hope that everyone had a beautiful Christmas holiday. I know I did. I happily gushed over engagements, wedding anniversaries, and even some cute baby announcements. After all, it is such a joyous occasion and milestone in our lives, and I am all for celebrating happiness.

Of course, not one of those announcements came from me, but when they date…WE date! I follow these relationship statuses as if they were my own.

And while I shared all of my congratulatory statements and love, I was at home…nestled on my sofa in flannel pjs watching the Hallmark Channel. And let me tell you, that Hallmark Channel got me F’d up….in so many ways!

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With all of its catchy titles and references, as if it was STRAIGHT OUTTTA GREETING CARDS, I’ve been drawn into EACH and EVERY episode…for HOURS. And all of the storylines are the same, or at least they come to the same conclusion. Throughout each of the two hour movies you can find these common themes:

  • The main character is typically a woman in her 30s…JUST LIKE ME!
  • She has been unsuccessful in past relationships…JUST LIKE ME!
  • She meets a man at a time when she is not expecting romance…JUST LIKE ME!
  • And the two of them fall in love within 3 days just before Christmas and live happily ever after…JUST LIKE…

WAIT…WHAT???

You see these Hallmark movies skipped a few steps. In these plot developments they surely left out some of the bs that you gotta weed through first. I mean, seriously has anyone ever fallen in love within three days and married the love of their life? The last time I remember that happening was with that socialite who married a NBA player, but this year alone she has had four relationships…all of which she has declared as being the “love of my life”… yeah I’m keeping up with… ummm…not very much.

So, while I’m over here getting warm fuzzies about Amber and Paul’s whirlwind romance on “mistletoe mountain,” I am fending off the DM’s that begin with “You wanna link up later?” as if it’s not 10pm. I mean, how much later are you talking? Because after 9pm, I become like a gremlin, and my tolerance for you will be on empty.

Then, because I’m so moved by the Hallmark movies, and probably because some men are living in cuffin’ season, I start paying attention to those random “wyd” text. Why not? All good things begin with “wyd,” right? If you see that text or DM come through… RUN! I’m pretty sure that if it came from that one person, and you know who that one person is, because then it will be followed with a “You wanna link up later?” I’m here to tell you….Don’t do it! Nothing good will come of it. Let me save you from the 30 minutes you will waste to take a shower and get dressed, the 18 mile car ride and $.50 toll fee in travel, all in 25 degree weather only to be disappointed by the 5 minutes and lack of round 2 while he tries to cuddle you with his sweaty body!

PUT. THE PHONE. DOWN.

To add insult, I seriously considered the online dating experience…AGAIN. Because…you know…one time is not enough. Leave it to a Hallmark movie, to show me how some of the characters found romance through online, speed dating, and even blind dating! So why the hell not? And with options like Plenty of Fish and Tender you can get free online dating services. Then you realize that people are only using it for a hook up site, so you jump into a paid service like Black People Meet or Match only to find the SAME damn profiles, and the PAID members just don’t meet your preferred qualifications. But then you’re “stuck up” or “not even that cute anyway” because you reject some guy who thinks selling bootleg DVDs and mixtapes is a come-up.

And that brings me right back to my Amber and Paul. As I smile at the fact that they finally shared in that mistletoe kiss on that mountain, I remember this… don’t ACT out of desperation!

Do not allow your “single brain,” which shuts down any logical thinking and solely plays on the impulses of your emotions, to overtake you. Yes, this time of year can be hard, especially if you’re lonely and want someone warm next to you. But think before you text. Really ask yourself, “Would you give this person the same amount of attention at any other time?” If the answer is NO, then move along, and cut that text or reply short.

I can guarantee you that the reason why you haven’t met your “Paul” is because you’re too busy thinking “nothing could replace BRAD….”

…then your conscious calls and you break into your happy dance. Make good decisions about who deserves your time. And if it’s not more f’d up, just remember the Hallmark Channel has a movie theme each month…with new movies every Saturday and Sunday. So enjoy!

Now, back to my regularly scheduled, UNDENIABLY single life!

UnDENYably… I’m Single!

“Isn’t there a danger that you’ll get so good at being single, so set in your ways, that you’ll miss out on the chance to be with somebody great?” ~ “How to be Single”

So, I felt that this pretty much sums up my new blogging life of me sharing about the fact that I’m single and coming “unhinged” in Singlesland for reasons that sometimes point to the obvious. In a nutshell, there are true moments when I fear that I’m going to become so accustomed to being single that I’m not going to know what it’s like to be with someone else. Or hell, I get to a point where I don’t even know if I really even want to be in a relationship to be honest.

Which brings me…here. Of course I never thought that I’d be in the “30-something never married” category, but here I am! I tend to think that I have a pretty good life with a lot to offer my man-to-be. And it sucks because I really am a good catch. I’m athletic, funny, ambitious, an outgoing homebody, affectionate, and easy to please. And did I mention I’m a kickass Mom?! Oh….And…sex…I LOVE IT. ALOT! Like REALLY! Sounds pretty dope, right? So then it is no coincidence that my singledom comes as a shock for me too. And apparently people have become so awe-struck because they seem to ask that dumb ass question after only a few minutes of conversation with me….you know the Why are you single? as if my own reality hasn’t explored that aspect of life before.

Now I’m sure there are many reasons for which my great and close friends can justify my relationship status. I can hear them now saying things like, “You’re single because you have picked the wrong guys,” or “You held on to relationships that should have ended months (shit even years) before they were finally over.” And I can say without a doubt that more explanations will become clearer on my journey of self-discovery. However, there is one rationale that I can definitely identify with at this time…and that is, “I am single because I choose to be single,” and I am not sure if I want to be anything else but single…

….. Or do I?

My unDENYing truth is that I have treated love as my job in more recent times. I have somehow managed to separate my love for love from my love life. I’m like The Wedding Planner and real-life Hitch helping others in their own walks of love while I enjoy the coldness of the other side of the bed…eh…on most nights. But as a Marriage and Family Counselor who coaches singles, dating couples, and married spouses, I am challenged by those who wonder why they should take my advice, if I can’t help myself.

Well…here’s a litle reality check, you dont have to be an addict to counsel people with addictions. But what you do need to do is to have the experiences, methodologies, and proven practices that work and lead to the greatest success. Don’t believe me, look at the best coaches and analysts in sports. Not all of them have a ring.

UnDENYably, with my many disaster dates, jerk faces, and inconsistent situationships, I can certainly share with you the right and wrong ways to seek and maintain healthy and happy relationships. So follow me on my road down Singles Lane, as I share some stories and thoughts of me navigating being single, to dating, and hopefully balancing a relationship in my crazy/beautiful life using my OWN tips and advice.

Whatever my motivations, decisions, or dilemmas, I ask you to grab a seat, pull up, and hold on for the ride. And if you have any stories or thoughts to share about your history of singledom, or on mine, leave me a message below…or send them my way at justissingle@gmail.com.

Until next time, kisses to you and my UNDENIABLY  Single Life!!