Single…or nah?

I am a little guilty. I am that friend that seems to go M.I.A. when I am boo’d up! I’m sorry. But I do. So it should be no surprise, that I have gone M.I.A. because “boo” has my time. But…I promise, I am still just as committed to you too!

So what have I have been doing in the past few weeks, and who is the “boo” who has stolen my time and attention…?

well….sorry to disappoint you, but BOO… it’s not just a guy!

Building my empire has kept me QUITE busy these days. Do you realize how freaking time consuming it is to do social media posts to Instagram and Facebook, manage two blogs, content development and website management, keep an email marketing list, plus manage my consulting clients for training and speaking engagements and respond to emails and questions from coaching clients? And this women’s retreat that I am planning, workbooks, e-coaching programs, PLUS I just moved into a new office and I have yet to unpack or settle in…..

YIKESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Let’s not even add in the fact that I am A BUSY co-parenting Mom with all the primary responsibilities and daily duties (BASICALLY… #singlemom).

So that means my hips have been running behind my 6 year old building Legos and playing Ninja Turtles or Avengers (complete with costumes of course), tending to homework 3 nights a week, participating in PTA meetings or functions and completing my officer responsibilities as the Secretary (and boy is our PTA busy with great family engagement and involvement), AND getting it in on the field as Team Mom of my son’s flag football team (Go Chiefs!).

All I can say about that relationship is that I’m ready to pull my hair out, and my lil natural teeny weeny afro needs to grow!

Hell, I am lucky to see a shower daily, sleep for 6.5hrs a day, and make it to my Zumba classes and the gym! Yay…GO ME! Because these 15 extra pounds look great in some areas, but not in my midsection.

And the Mr. ….because that’s what you really wanna know, right? So where does he fit in? Believe it or not, we literally schedule our time together. Like seriously, pencil you in  kind of thing. BeSingle or Nahtween all of my “building my empire” as Super Mom, and him running things in his career, AND us living 2 hours apart…. we have to schedule our time.

And guess what…I marvel and relish in the time that we get to spend together. ALONE! And that means I completely unplug. No emails. No work. Just the two of us.

Which is how it should be and how I LIKE it!

To be honest, if we had lived closer to each other, this thing that we are building would pretty much be non-existent. 

Truth is, distance and our busy-ness has been great because it has allowed us the time to get to know each other. We talk about our dreams and aspirations, things that happen in the day, our plans for the week, and the conversations seem endless.  Did I mention I am a sapiosexual? Conversations and intellect will get you VERY far with me.

Hey….

…get your mind…

….out of the gutter.

So… SINGLE…? Undenyably…YES! Because just like building my empire, building a relationship is about investing time, effort, and you into what you desire.

AND…THAT…TAKES…PATIENCE.

I didn’t just jump into my business and say, “let’s do it.” NO! I pitched around some ideas and drafted up some supporting details. I made a business plan and found that some things didn’t work and needed tweaking. I launched my services, and I continue to make adjustments that tailor to my IDEAL market.?

You have to put that same effort into a new relationship.

  • You have to pitch around the idea and consider some supporting details. Am I ready to date? Am I okay with being rejected? Do I know where to even look for potential dating partners? Should I start with online or blind dating first?Single and Happy - Sex and the City
  • You have to make a plan. Are we dating exclusively? Are we going to be intimate before monogamy? Do I have a sitter when I need that alone time? —> very important single mamas!
  • You have to launch and adjust. Where is the relationship going? Can I let go of the control and let things develop naturally? Can I let go of a relationship that is not promising despite how much I like the person? Are moving too fast?

Biggest and most parallel to building my empire and building a relationship is the fact that you have to JUMP! Let go of fear and talking yourself out of it, and JUST put yourself out there.

Yeah, businesses can fail or you may have to step back with some things because you get too ambitious. But SO WHAT?! You learn from the mistakes and mishaps. Just like when you got all excited about “him” and post pictures and then tell your girlfriends only to realize he is a nevermind….and guess what? YOU TRY AGAIN!

Learn and grow! With that…. I will keep learning and growing. And building.

Look forward to the things coming soon. Because just as I am growing in my business, so is my reach to you. You can expect more from my dating experiences (past and present). I will also be featuring guest bloggers, really good tips, PLUS some things for my single moms who are dating.

So drop me a line or two if you if you’re still with me and share what you been up to! Don’t forget to share with your friends and follow me on IG: @bfecoach!

~xoxo~

 

Sex…on the first date?

We have all been there… The awkward first date. Maybe you go out for a nice dinner and have a drink or two. There is a great connection and conversation. The tension and chemistry is evident, and you are at your car, doorstep, or meeting spot….do you act on your urges?

Oh, don’t act like you don’t know what “urges” I’m talking about. I mean the growth in his pants from your too close of a hug you gave him, or the tingle in your lady parts after pulls you close for a passionate kiss….yes THOSE urges!

Many guys may be thinking “I don’t want to rush things with her because she may expect a relationship too soon,” and many women may think “He is gonna think I’m a hoe or easy if I give it up.” Which brings up a few questions I ask myself and others often… “Is it too soon to have sex on the first date?” and “Should you wait a set number of dates, days, months, or years before your physical intimacy is explored?”

Steve Harvey’s best-selling Act Like a Lady, Think Like Man advises women to develop a “90 Day Rule” (a concept he adopted from a new employee’s probationary period), while Biblical and spiritual perspectives teach us to wait before marriage. Actress Meagan Good and her husband (and pastor) Devon Franklin’s best-selling book, The Wait, encourages the importance of sustaining from sex until marriage. So I want to dive deeper in learning the value and benefit of “waiting” before getting sexually intimate.

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A comprehensive study of more than 2,000 married people featured in the Journal of Family Psychology (2010) suggests that the longer couples wait before having sex, the stronger their relationship outcomes. This study found that couples who waited until marriage rated their relationship stability and satisfaction on an average of 20% higher than those who had sex early in their relationship.

Maybe waiting for marriage to break the chasity belt is not the goal anymore. Hell, even the Jonas Brothers and Jordin Sparks broke their purity promise. The reality is….the majority of us are are not walking around virgins, and certainly with me being a single and non-married mother, let’s just say the evidence supports that I obviously didn’t wait either.

Nevertheless, it is recommended that you have some discernment regarding WHEN you physically explore with a person you’re dating to allow you time to get to know the person and to determine whether or not you are actually interested in the person. According to a 2016 online survey conducted by Match.com, couples who waited 5 dates before sleeping together reported being 35% happier together compared to those who had sex on the first date.

I believe that there are factors that influence our decisions to not have sex as quickly. One of which is our history of knowing the person you’re dating. If this is a relationship that sparked from a friendship or months of knowing someone thru mutual friends or social clubs that you have been a round for some time, you may feel a sense of attraction that extends beyond the physical. A second factor is the biological timing of our dating experience. Biological timing applies to women’s ovulation cycle and being horny as hell. This is especially amp’d up of she hasn’t had any in a while. Been there ladies….I.understand!

Last, I think it also depends on your emotional timing. If you are just ending a relationship or still hung up on your ex, you are likely to have rebound sex. Be careful not to become a Stage 5 Clinger!

And yes, I am putting the ownest of having sex too soon on the woman because it is our body and no objects should enter without our permission. And quite frankly, because women want to have sex JUST as much as men!

Whenever you decide to get in the sheets, be it the first date, 5th date, or the day after you exchange vows…. just remember to make safe choices and to be sure it is what YOU want.

Love…

I’ve been a little…M.I.A.

Hey hey hey!!!!! I’m back in my unDENYably SINgle world!!! And guess what I have been doing? A LOT OF THINGS TO BE A BETTER RESOURCE TO YOU!

So….in the past two weeks life has been a whirlwind! And….I have been thinking of how I can make my blog much better for you, especially as I am reaching more and more followers and know that many will join us on this journey. With that, I am committed to blogging more, and giving you some, hopefully, rich content that you will be able to apply to your fabulously single (or dating…) life! But here is an update on what I have been up to…

Over the past two weeks, I launched my Create Your Vision (Board) Parties in the Richmond-metro and Virginia Beach areas! They were absolutely fab so a “big thanks” goes out to ALL of the participants who came out to celebrate my 2017 seminar launch and to get a better handle on their goals. I was able to connect with about 50 people at these events, and I was extremely happy to see so many different dynamics in the workshops…women and men who were in the retirement and second launch phase, couples who were considering next steps in their relationships, single mothers who were trying to re-map their family and personal goals, and men who were also exploring the single life and pursuing professional passions.

Next up….I  have a few things on my plate that I am planning and working towards offering my followers and coaching clients including a relationship enrichment seminar that will upcoming-eventsfocus on supporting my dating and newly married couples.  This seminar will be moderated by me and led with the help of my wonderfully and blissfully married couples at various stages in their marriages.  In addition, I will be facilitating other seminars that focus on co-parenting without the baby mama/baby daddy drama, and communicating better in relationships. AND….I am launching a free e-course in March that will focus on managing and maintaining a successful (and HAPPY) single life!

You can certainly join my email list to get updates on my upcoming workshops plus tips and resources that you may find helpful with parenting and dating as well! Plus, for signing up, you get two resources to help you better understand your child’s behavior and to help you maintain a successful relationship!

Now…onto the juicy things, which is why you are here, right? My dating life….. Ummm….It’s still there. My phone hasn’t been dry that’s for sure. AYYYEEEE!!! And….I’ve taken an interest in someone.

Yes….I know…. right!

I am taking things slow, and not rushing at all. We are still in the friendship stage with a WHOLE lot of attraction to each other. I will share more…maybe…when it reaches a relationship. Until then…. that’s all you get! Ha! Hey…. I have my reasons for keeping my relationship to myself, and I will actually talk about that in a future blog post (stay tuned)!

And speaking of FUTURE BLOG POSTS…. Guess what SINgluars (my new name for my fellow followers)? I AM COMMITTED to actually keeping you packed with some useful resources and STILL adding in my own twists and dating stories (and yours too so don’t forget to send them to me)! Each week, I will be blowing you up with posts to keep it real, to remain insightful, and to engage you in some discussions about the single life, dating and relationships, and even parenting and navigating relationships when children are in the mix. Here is a detailed look at what you can expect from me in the future:

undenyably-single

 

  • MANCODE Mondays: That’s right ladies… we are cracking the code, sorta! Each Monday I will offer you the man’s perspective on various topics.  Utilizing interviews, polls, and research, we will get an insight into how men really think and feel about issues, such as waiting to have sex, commitment and marriage, and so much more!
  • HUMP DAY Wednesdays: Keep your pants on….its not ALWAYS about sex! But we will be talking about SEX BABY! But…I will be exploring intimacy on more than just a physical level to help us truly reach the BIG O!
  • TALK-IT-OUT Thursdays: This is the chance to talk about relationships and the dynamics that come with them as we date. You can expect stories from me and my followers and even more about how to navigate through these challenges.
  • SINgle Saturdays: Whether you are actively seeking, dating, or happily single, I will share more about taking care of your star player….YOU! From self-care and guilty pleasures, to finding the perfect date night outfit or activity, and even some thoughts on creating your dating profile, these blogs will be all about how to put the best you forward.

I thank you so kindly  for sticking with me! Down below….let me know what you think about the upcoming schedule, and let me know if there is anything that is pressing you. Leave it in the comments or contact me directly!

 

Kisses!