I hope that everyone had a beautiful Christmas holiday. I know I did. I happily gushed over engagements, wedding anniversaries, and even some cute baby announcements. After all, it is such a joyous occasion and milestone in our lives, and I am all for celebrating happiness.
Of course, not one of those announcements came from me, but when they date…WE date! I follow these relationship statuses as if they were my own.
And while I shared all of my congratulatory statements and love, I was at home…nestled on my sofa in flannel pjs watching the Hallmark Channel. And let me tell you, that Hallmark Channel got me F’d up….in so many ways!
With all of its catchy titles and references, as if it was STRAIGHT OUTTTA GREETING CARDS, I’ve been drawn into EACH and EVERY episode…for HOURS. And all of the storylines are the same, or at least they come to the same conclusion. Throughout each of the two hour movies you can find these common themes:
- The main character is typically a woman in her 30s…JUST LIKE ME!
- She has been unsuccessful in past relationships…JUST LIKE ME!
- She meets a man at a time when she is not expecting romance…JUST LIKE ME!
- And the two of them fall in love within 3 days just before Christmas and live happily ever after…JUST LIKE…
You see these Hallmark movies skipped a few steps. In these plot developments they surely left out some of the bs that you gotta weed through first. I mean, seriously has anyone ever fallen in love within three days and married the love of their life? The last time I remember that happening was with that socialite who married a NBA player, but this year alone she has had four relationships…all of which she has declared as being the “love of my life”… yeah I’m keeping up with… ummm…not very much.
So, while I’m over here getting warm fuzzies about Amber and Paul’s whirlwind romance on “mistletoe mountain,” I am fending off the DM’s that begin with “You wanna link up later?” as if it’s not 10pm. I mean, how much later are you talking? Because after 9pm, I become like a gremlin, and my tolerance for you will be on empty.
Then, because I’m so moved by the Hallmark movies, and probably because some men are living in cuffin’ season, I start paying attention to those random “wyd” text. Why not? All good things begin with “wyd,” right? If you see that text or DM come through… RUN! I’m pretty sure that if it came from that one person, and you know who that one person is, because then it will be followed with a “You wanna link up later?” I’m here to tell you….Don’t do it! Nothing good will come of it. Let me save you from the 30 minutes you will waste to take a shower and get dressed, the 18 mile car ride and $.50 toll fee in travel, all in 25 degree weather only to be disappointed by the 5 minutes and lack of round 2 while he tries to cuddle you with his sweaty body!
PUT. THE PHONE. DOWN.
To add insult, I seriously considered the online dating experience…AGAIN. Because…you know…one time is not enough. Leave it to a Hallmark movie, to show me how some of the characters found romance through online, speed dating, and even blind dating! So why the hell not? And with options like Plenty of Fish and Tender you can get free online dating services. Then you realize that people are only using it for a hook up site, so you jump into a paid service like Black People Meet or Match only to find the SAME damn profiles, and the PAID members just don’t meet your preferred qualifications. But then you’re “stuck up” or “not even that cute anyway” because you reject some guy who thinks selling bootleg DVDs and mixtapes is a come-up.
And that brings me right back to my Amber and Paul. As I smile at the fact that they finally shared in that mistletoe kiss on that mountain, I remember this… don’t ACT out of desperation!
Do not allow your “single brain,” which shuts down any logical thinking and solely plays on the impulses of your emotions, to overtake you. Yes, this time of year can be hard, especially if you’re lonely and want someone warm next to you. But think before you text. Really ask yourself, “Would you give this person the same amount of attention at any other time?” If the answer is NO, then move along, and cut that text or reply short.
I can guarantee you that the reason why you haven’t met your “Paul” is because you’re too busy thinking “nothing could replace BRAD….”
…then your conscious calls and you break into your happy dance. Make good decisions about who deserves your time. And if it’s not more f’d up, just remember the Hallmark Channel has a movie theme each month…with new movies every Saturday and Sunday. So enjoy!
Now, back to my regularly scheduled, UNDENIABLY single life!