UnDENYably…Hallmark got me F’d Up!

I hope that everyone had a beautiful Christmas holiday. I know I did. I happily gushed over engagements, wedding anniversaries, and even some cute baby announcements. After all, it is such a joyous occasion and milestone in our lives, and I am all for celebrating happiness.

Of course, not one of those announcements came from me, but when they date…WE date! I follow these relationship statuses as if they were my own.

And while I shared all of my congratulatory statements and love, I was at home…nestled on my sofa in flannel pjs watching the Hallmark Channel. And let me tell you, that Hallmark Channel got me F’d up….in so many ways!

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With all of its catchy titles and references, as if it was STRAIGHT OUTTTA GREETING CARDS, I’ve been drawn into EACH and EVERY episode…for HOURS. And all of the storylines are the same, or at least they come to the same conclusion. Throughout each of the two hour movies you can find these common themes:

  • The main character is typically a woman in her 30s…JUST LIKE ME!
  • She has been unsuccessful in past relationships…JUST LIKE ME!
  • She meets a man at a time when she is not expecting romance…JUST LIKE ME!
  • And the two of them fall in love within 3 days just before Christmas and live happily ever after…JUST LIKE…

WAIT…WHAT???

You see these Hallmark movies skipped a few steps. In these plot developments they surely left out some of the bs that you gotta weed through first. I mean, seriously has anyone ever fallen in love within three days and married the love of their life? The last time I remember that happening was with that socialite who married a NBA player, but this year alone she has had four relationships…all of which she has declared as being the “love of my life”… yeah I’m keeping up with… ummm…not very much.

So, while I’m over here getting warm fuzzies about Amber and Paul’s whirlwind romance on “mistletoe mountain,” I am fending off the DM’s that begin with “You wanna link up later?” as if it’s not 10pm. I mean, how much later are you talking? Because after 9pm, I become like a gremlin, and my tolerance for you will be on empty.

Then, because I’m so moved by the Hallmark movies, and probably because some men are living in cuffin’ season, I start paying attention to those random “wyd” text. Why not? All good things begin with “wyd,” right? If you see that text or DM come through… RUN! I’m pretty sure that if it came from that one person, and you know who that one person is, because then it will be followed with a “You wanna link up later?” I’m here to tell you….Don’t do it! Nothing good will come of it. Let me save you from the 30 minutes you will waste to take a shower and get dressed, the 18 mile car ride and $.50 toll fee in travel, all in 25 degree weather only to be disappointed by the 5 minutes and lack of round 2 while he tries to cuddle you with his sweaty body!

PUT. THE PHONE. DOWN.

To add insult, I seriously considered the online dating experience…AGAIN. Because…you know…one time is not enough. Leave it to a Hallmark movie, to show me how some of the characters found romance through online, speed dating, and even blind dating! So why the hell not? And with options like Plenty of Fish and Tender you can get free online dating services. Then you realize that people are only using it for a hook up site, so you jump into a paid service like Black People Meet or Match only to find the SAME damn profiles, and the PAID members just don’t meet your preferred qualifications. But then you’re “stuck up” or “not even that cute anyway” because you reject some guy who thinks selling bootleg DVDs and mixtapes is a come-up.

And that brings me right back to my Amber and Paul. As I smile at the fact that they finally shared in that mistletoe kiss on that mountain, I remember this… don’t ACT out of desperation!

Do not allow your “single brain,” which shuts down any logical thinking and solely plays on the impulses of your emotions, to overtake you. Yes, this time of year can be hard, especially if you’re lonely and want someone warm next to you. But think before you text. Really ask yourself, “Would you give this person the same amount of attention at any other time?” If the answer is NO, then move along, and cut that text or reply short.

I can guarantee you that the reason why you haven’t met your “Paul” is because you’re too busy thinking “nothing could replace BRAD….”

…then your conscious calls and you break into your happy dance. Make good decisions about who deserves your time. And if it’s not more f’d up, just remember the Hallmark Channel has a movie theme each month…with new movies every Saturday and Sunday. So enjoy!

Now, back to my regularly scheduled, UNDENIABLY single life!

UnDENYably… I’m Single!

“Isn’t there a danger that you’ll get so good at being single, so set in your ways, that you’ll miss out on the chance to be with somebody great?” ~ “How to be Single”

So, I felt that this pretty much sums up my new blogging life of me sharing about the fact that I’m single and coming “unhinged” in Singlesland for reasons that sometimes point to the obvious. In a nutshell, there are true moments when I fear that I’m going to become so accustomed to being single that I’m not going to know what it’s like to be with someone else. Or hell, I get to a point where I don’t even know if I really even want to be in a relationship to be honest.

Which brings me…here. Of course I never thought that I’d be in the “30-something never married” category, but here I am! I tend to think that I have a pretty good life with a lot to offer my man-to-be. And it sucks because I really am a good catch. I’m athletic, funny, ambitious, an outgoing homebody, affectionate, and easy to please. And did I mention I’m a kickass Mom?! Oh….And…sex…I LOVE IT. ALOT! Like REALLY! Sounds pretty dope, right? So then it is no coincidence that my singledom comes as a shock for me too. And apparently people have become so awe-struck because they seem to ask that dumb ass question after only a few minutes of conversation with me….you know the Why are you single? as if my own reality hasn’t explored that aspect of life before.

Now I’m sure there are many reasons for which my great and close friends can justify my relationship status. I can hear them now saying things like, “You’re single because you have picked the wrong guys,” or “You held on to relationships that should have ended months (shit even years) before they were finally over.” And I can say without a doubt that more explanations will become clearer on my journey of self-discovery. However, there is one rationale that I can definitely identify with at this time…and that is, “I am single because I choose to be single,” and I am not sure if I want to be anything else but single…

….. Or do I?

My unDENYing truth is that I have treated love as my job in more recent times. I have somehow managed to separate my love for love from my love life. I’m like The Wedding Planner and real-life Hitch helping others in their own walks of love while I enjoy the coldness of the other side of the bed…eh…on most nights. But as a Marriage and Family Counselor who coaches singles, dating couples, and married spouses, I am challenged by those who wonder why they should take my advice, if I can’t help myself.

Well…here’s a litle reality check, you dont have to be an addict to counsel people with addictions. But what you do need to do is to have the experiences, methodologies, and proven practices that work and lead to the greatest success. Don’t believe me, look at the best coaches and analysts in sports. Not all of them have a ring.

UnDENYably, with my many disaster dates, jerk faces, and inconsistent situationships, I can certainly share with you the right and wrong ways to seek and maintain healthy and happy relationships. So follow me on my road down Singles Lane, as I share some stories and thoughts of me navigating being single, to dating, and hopefully balancing a relationship in my crazy/beautiful life using my OWN tips and advice.

Whatever my motivations, decisions, or dilemmas, I ask you to grab a seat, pull up, and hold on for the ride. And if you have any stories or thoughts to share about your history of singledom, or on mine, leave me a message below…or send them my way at justissingle@gmail.com.

Until next time, kisses to you and my UNDENIABLY  Single Life!!