Playdates, Networking, & Date Nights…

“Once you have children that’s who you are. There’s no way around that. That’s who I am. Your body switches off. I had no desire to date or anything.” ~ Charlize Theron~

Between balancing a hectic and busy business schedule, being inedited  with tasks and travel, and running my kid to various sporting events and after-school activities,  adding in a date night can seem arduous.

It’s hard enough keeping up with the snack schedule or finding my kid’s sock… or putting on GI Joe’s leg after Hulk pounds him to the ground to remembering to pick up Kids Bop 3227 when it releases…

…And NOW I am supposed to meet him for drinks? Ain’t nobody got time for that!

….So I thought.

The truth is, I knew I didn’t want to be single forever. Heck, there is still plenty of good in me that I know is destined for WIFE status. And damn sure there is MORE to me than being a baby mama! So why was I counting myself out?

There are a lot of reasons that I put out there and they probably aren’t too far from some of yours too….

“I don’t have time to go on a date because I have my son.”

“I don’t have anything to wear because I only have Mom jeans.”

“I haven’t been out in so long, I don’t even know what to say.”

“Ugh…he probably doesn’t want to really date a woman with a kid.”

No matter what the reasons… they panned out to be one thing: EXCUSES. Continue reading Playdates, Networking, & Date Nights…

men always lead…

“If he is going to lead in marriage, the he should lead the dating relationship.”

So I debated back-and-forth about how I really wanted to share this blog. There is always this BIG debate on if men of today are capable of leading women and their families. Moreover, this is a pressing topic amongst African American couples, quite frankly just men and women in general. Mostly, much of it comes at the projection of men in society… emasculinity being the primary. And as more and more women are taking charge and leading ranks in business, balancing family, and making money moves as proud single women, the question is often asked, “Are men capable of leading women?”

But that is not my issue.  I firmly believe that men have been given the God-given role to be leaders in marriages and relationships. And I certainly believe that men are and have been capable of dong so. In fact, in EVERY relationship that I have experienced in my adult years…

…which have only been a few…

…don’t get it twisted…

…The man I was dating was LEADING me in the relationship.

Continue reading men always lead…

Goes Down in the DM…FOR REAL!

So it’s my DM-adversary with my boyfriend this week! I should known something was up with this snow because that was literally how it went down last year too! A big ol’ pile of snow to keep us tied to the house with cabin fever… chatting it up in each other’s inbox. Eventually, I gave him my number and insisted that he “call me sometime” and soon we were engaged in hours of conversation that I honestly didn’t want to end.

But it’s funny how we connected (rather re-connected) through a string of messages in  response to a post that I shared simply giving permission for anyone to DM something they have wanted to tell me.

The response was a simple blue heart which meant, “I want to ask you out.” My response, was a quick, “Well, if you ask the answer is ‘Yes!'”

And when I hit that send button, I wasn’t thinking, “Oh shit…what did I do?” or “Am I being too forward?” NOPE! I was thinking, “If this negro doesn’t ask me out this time, that’s it! No more second chances.” Continue reading Goes Down in the DM…FOR REAL!

trust the magic of beginnings

“And suddenly you know…it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”

Well hello 2018! And hello to you again! I really have to stop treating you like this. It feels too much like one of my past relationships….

….On again-Off again…

…..Show up when I want some attention.

…..MY BAD. I’m Sorry.

But I have missed writing and sharing with you (and other bloggers).

Hate to say that it has been really busy… (<—again like what was said in my past relationships)… but it has been really busy. Hell, my busy-ness is one of the reasons why I stayed in the singles lane for a bit. But for real… I have been working my socks off over here in Virginia and now that I have had some time to rest my big head, I am looking forward to some magical beginnings in 2018!

So how did you usher in the new year? Were you boo’d up, boozed up, givin’ it up, or fed up?

Me…I welcomed my new year the way I started it…. alone on the couch watching Hallmark Christmas Movies. I added a box of tissues and a bottle of OJ this time around. Why…? Because I was sick and exhausted. My boyfriend…

…YES THERE IS STILL A BAE…

…was on the phone with me as we counted down the final seconds of 2017. After that I was out faster than the BC Powder I got the next morning.

But the feeling of welcoming 2018 was far more different than last year. Why? Because rolling into 2018 I have come full circle with celebrating my life as it’s happening… anew.

Continue reading trust the magic of beginnings

It’s not him…it’s YOU!

Over the last few weeks, I have been buried in developing and facilitating seminars and coaching programs to empower women in their personal, family, and relationship goals. And while it’s no excuse to leave you hanging, just know that I’m back with a purpose!

And that purpose brings me RIGHT here! To drop a nice clue bomb on the matter of dating a person who is NOT dating you. Yes, I said that correctly. I am going to share a little bit about how you may find yourself in a relationship BY YOURSELF.

Interestingly enough, there are many women out there who maintain months and sometimes years of situationships that do not lead to actual relationships. And before you quickly point the finger at the guy you were dating to say, “He did me wrong!” or “How could he do this to me?” to even “He’s such as an asshole…jerk…f*ckboy”…or insert whatever adjective to describe him, pick up a mirror because the problem in the whole situation was probably YOU!

Harsh much? Maybe. Continue reading It’s not him…it’s YOU!

Married at First Sight…REVIEW

By now, you should know that I LOVE Lifetime! So you can imagine how excited I have been to watch my favorite reality show on Thursday nights….Married at First Sight on the Lifetime network because apparently A&E dropped it from its network or something.

If you are unfamiliar with the show, it is basically the Americanized version of the Danish show Married… that follows 3-4 couples who agree to get married…at first sight. They are paired by matchmakers and provided a series of psychological and compatibility tests to identify matches. If they find a match, the couple then gets married, goes on a honeymoon, and begin to live together as husband and wife over a short period of time (about 6-8 weeks).  At the conclusion of that period, they can decide to stay married, or get a divorce.

Before you chalk it up as BS…. this is the 5th season. And while the success rate of the couples is fairly LOW….I LOVE it!

Anyway, I am about 4 weeks into Season 5…and I am already ready for a DIVORCE! At present, I am calling a one and a possible (yup…like Spades). The other couple…they can barely make it off the damn island! Continue reading Married at First Sight…REVIEW

Single…or nah?

I am a little guilty. I am that friend that seems to go M.I.A. when I am boo’d up! I’m sorry. But I do. So it should be no surprise, that I have gone M.I.A. because “boo” has my time. But…I promise, I am still just as committed to you too!

So what have I have been doing in the past few weeks, and who is the “boo” who has stolen my time and attention…?

well….sorry to disappoint you, but BOO… it’s not just a guy!

Building my empire has kept me QUITE busy these days. Do you realize how freaking time consuming it is to do social media posts to Instagram and Facebook, manage two blogs, content development and website management, keep an email marketing list, plus manage my consulting clients for training and speaking engagements and respond to emails and questions from coaching clients? And this women’s retreat that I am planning, workbooks, e-coaching programs, PLUS I just moved into a new office and I have yet to unpack or settle in…..

YIKESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Let’s not even add in the fact that I am A BUSY co-parenting Mom with all the primary responsibilities and daily duties (BASICALLY… #singlemom).

So that means my hips have been running behind my 6 year old building Legos and playing Ninja Turtles or Avengers (complete with costumes of course), tending to homework 3 nights a week, participating in PTA meetings or functions and completing my officer responsibilities as the Secretary (and boy is our PTA busy with great family engagement and involvement), AND getting it in on the field as Team Mom of my son’s flag football team (Go Chiefs!).

All I can say about that relationship is that I’m ready to pull my hair out, and my lil natural teeny weeny afro needs to grow!

Hell, I am lucky to see a shower daily, sleep for 6.5hrs a day, and make it to my Zumba classes and the gym! Yay…GO ME! Because these 15 extra pounds look great in some areas, but not in my midsection.

And the Mr. ….because that’s what you really wanna know, right? So where does he fit in? Believe it or not, we literally schedule our time together. Like seriously, pencil you in  kind of thing. BeSingle or Nahtween all of my “building my empire” as Super Mom, and him running things in his career, AND us living 2 hours apart…. we have to schedule our time.

And guess what…I marvel and relish in the time that we get to spend together. ALONE! And that means I completely unplug. No emails. No work. Just the two of us.

Which is how it should be and how I LIKE it!

To be honest, if we had lived closer to each other, this thing that we are building would pretty much be non-existent. 

Truth is, distance and our busy-ness has been great because it has allowed us the time to get to know each other. We talk about our dreams and aspirations, things that happen in the day, our plans for the week, and the conversations seem endless.  Did I mention I am a sapiosexual? Conversations and intellect will get you VERY far with me.

Hey….

…get your mind…

….out of the gutter.

So… SINGLE…? Undenyably…YES! Because just like building my empire, building a relationship is about investing time, effort, and you into what you desire.

AND…THAT…TAKES…PATIENCE.

I didn’t just jump into my business and say, “let’s do it.” NO! I pitched around some ideas and drafted up some supporting details. I made a business plan and found that some things didn’t work and needed tweaking. I launched my services, and I continue to make adjustments that tailor to my IDEAL market.?

You have to put that same effort into a new relationship.

  • You have to pitch around the idea and consider some supporting details. Am I ready to date? Am I okay with being rejected? Do I know where to even look for potential dating partners? Should I start with online or blind dating first?Single and Happy - Sex and the City
  • You have to make a plan. Are we dating exclusively? Are we going to be intimate before monogamy? Do I have a sitter when I need that alone time? —> very important single mamas!
  • You have to launch and adjust. Where is the relationship going? Can I let go of the control and let things develop naturally? Can I let go of a relationship that is not promising despite how much I like the person? Are moving too fast?

Biggest and most parallel to building my empire and building a relationship is the fact that you have to JUMP! Let go of fear and talking yourself out of it, and JUST put yourself out there.

Yeah, businesses can fail or you may have to step back with some things because you get too ambitious. But SO WHAT?! You learn from the mistakes and mishaps. Just like when you got all excited about “him” and post pictures and then tell your girlfriends only to realize he is a nevermind….and guess what? YOU TRY AGAIN!

Learn and grow! With that…. I will keep learning and growing. And building.

Look forward to the things coming soon. Because just as I am growing in my business, so is my reach to you. You can expect more from my dating experiences (past and present). I will also be featuring guest bloggers, really good tips, PLUS some things for my single moms who are dating.

So drop me a line or two if you if you’re still with me and share what you been up to! Don’t forget to share with your friends and follow me on IG: @bfecoach!

~xoxo~