UnDENYably…Hallmark got me F’d Up!

I hope that everyone had a beautiful Christmas holiday. I know I did. I happily gushed over engagements, wedding anniversaries, and even some cute baby announcements. After all, it is such a joyous occasion and milestone in our lives, and I am all for celebrating happiness.

Of course, not one of those announcements came from me, but when they date…WE date! I follow these relationship statuses as if they were my own.

And while I shared all of my congratulatory statements and love, I was at home…nestled on my sofa in flannel pjs watching the Hallmark Channel. And let me tell you, that Hallmark Channel got me F’d up….in so many ways!

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With all of its catchy titles and references, as if it was STRAIGHT OUTTTA GREETING CARDS, I’ve been drawn into EACH and EVERY episode…for HOURS. And all of the storylines are the same, or at least they come to the same conclusion. Throughout each of the two hour movies you can find these common themes:

  • The main character is typically a woman in her 30s…JUST LIKE ME!
  • She has been unsuccessful in past relationships…JUST LIKE ME!
  • She meets a man at a time when she is not expecting romance…JUST LIKE ME!
  • And the two of them fall in love within 3 days just before Christmas and live happily ever after…JUST LIKE…

WAIT…WHAT???

You see these Hallmark movies skipped a few steps. In these plot developments they surely left out some of the bs that you gotta weed through first. I mean, seriously has anyone ever fallen in love within three days and married the love of their life? The last time I remember that happening was with that socialite who married a NBA player, but this year alone she has had four relationships…all of which she has declared as being the “love of my life”… yeah I’m keeping up with… ummm…not very much.

So, while I’m over here getting warm fuzzies about Amber and Paul’s whirlwind romance on “mistletoe mountain,” I am fending off the DM’s that begin with “You wanna link up later?” as if it’s not 10pm. I mean, how much later are you talking? Because after 9pm, I become like a gremlin, and my tolerance for you will be on empty.

Then, because I’m so moved by the Hallmark movies, and probably because some men are living in cuffin’ season, I start paying attention to those random “wyd” text. Why not? All good things begin with “wyd,” right? If you see that text or DM come through… RUN! I’m pretty sure that if it came from that one person, and you know who that one person is, because then it will be followed with a “You wanna link up later?” I’m here to tell you….Don’t do it! Nothing good will come of it. Let me save you from the 30 minutes you will waste to take a shower and get dressed, the 18 mile car ride and $.50 toll fee in travel, all in 25 degree weather only to be disappointed by the 5 minutes and lack of round 2 while he tries to cuddle you with his sweaty body!

PUT. THE PHONE. DOWN.

To add insult, I seriously considered the online dating experience…AGAIN. Because…you know…one time is not enough. Leave it to a Hallmark movie, to show me how some of the characters found romance through online, speed dating, and even blind dating! So why the hell not? And with options like Plenty of Fish and Tender you can get free online dating services. Then you realize that people are only using it for a hook up site, so you jump into a paid service like Black People Meet or Match only to find the SAME damn profiles, and the PAID members just don’t meet your preferred qualifications. But then you’re “stuck up” or “not even that cute anyway” because you reject some guy who thinks selling bootleg DVDs and mixtapes is a come-up.

And that brings me right back to my Amber and Paul. As I smile at the fact that they finally shared in that mistletoe kiss on that mountain, I remember this… don’t ACT out of desperation!

Do not allow your “single brain,” which shuts down any logical thinking and solely plays on the impulses of your emotions, to overtake you. Yes, this time of year can be hard, especially if you’re lonely and want someone warm next to you. But think before you text. Really ask yourself, “Would you give this person the same amount of attention at any other time?” If the answer is NO, then move along, and cut that text or reply short.

I can guarantee you that the reason why you haven’t met your “Paul” is because you’re too busy thinking “nothing could replace BRAD….”

…then your conscious calls and you break into your happy dance. Make good decisions about who deserves your time. And if it’s not more f’d up, just remember the Hallmark Channel has a movie theme each month…with new movies every Saturday and Sunday. So enjoy!

Now, back to my regularly scheduled, UNDENIABLY single life!

unDENYably…it’s Christmas!

To my folks in retail and fast food or any industry where you have to work and provide service to people particularly during this time of year….Thank you.

Last night, well at 12am, I went to Wal-Mart across town… on the southside. First and LAST time. I can’t do ratchet! But its the only Wal-Mart near me open 24hrs.  Maaaannnn!!!

People…patrons…customers….shoppers…who have no care…. kill me. It reminded me of my 3 day employment at New York & Co. I said “to hell” with folding shirts and catering to rude, disrespectful, and entitled people!

But….back to Wal-Mart

So as I shopped, I found myself talking to a few associates and customers because I just like to talk to people.

One lady, whom I shall call “Glamma,” whonworked at Wal-Mart was the nost memorable. She was strutting in her high calf boots (which I wanted for myself), mini dress, and elf-hat. She looked like new Mrs. Claus…and I don’t mean Martha. She was the kind of fierce older woman that would have the older men skipping the blood pressure meds and water pills! She was bad!

As I looked over at the cute boots in stock….yes, I buy clothes from Wal-Mart because I could care less for labels and I’m still cute. Anyway… as I looked at the boots, Glamma and I talked for a few minutes. She was busy putting away shoes and separating the toys and other items left in her department. She spoke about her family and her children, and how she was happy to have never had to bring her kids out to the store at 2-3am to shop or keep them out past 10pm on a school night. All this because we could hear the children getting fussy on other aisles and parents screaming “If you don’t stop crying, I am putting these toys back!”

It’s 2am…your toddler should be fussing!

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Anyway…. Glamma and I talked some more and she joked about her days of smoking weed to just mellow out from the chaos of her kids running around as a single parent working 2 jobs at times to provide for them. She roared with laughter and said… “But they turned out okay!” She was preparing for them to come home for the holidays. Her son and his wife purchased a home last year and are celebrating their first Christmas with her first grandbaby. Her daughter is a college student so Glamma works at Wal-Mart part time to help with her daughter’s tuition and expenses. After some small talk and not finding the boots that I REALLY wanted, I told Glamma “Merry Christmas” and went on my way.

But…..my joys came to a screeching stop when I came across this ghetto-ass family! Here they were out with kids at 2am, and the “adults” in the party were riding bikes, bouncing the balls, throwing toys at each other, and cursing at EVERYONE. The guy with him, seemingly the ring leader, “Junior,” who probably didn’t have two nickels to rub together but because he seemed like the jackass the family members were afraid to say something to, he paraded with his obnoxious behavior. He was loud and dropped a F bomb and “sh*t” in every other word. Mind you with 3 kids in the basket. They pondered over toys and bikes for hours. These people (yes THESE PEOPLE) almost broke into a fight because the cashier at the self-checkout line checked them about their behavior when they joked about sneaking stuff in bags. They refused to stop with the profanity, and I guess “Big Mama” went in about how she needed to speak to the supervisor because she didnt like her attitude.

Big Mama fussed and fussed, which led to her fussing out Junior who rode off on the bike. Big Mama left, but apparently the rest of the entourage and Junior had to “keep shopping.” The police were called and told them to buy their items and go. Many of the items, they put back in the checkout line or chucked in the candy basket. But they got the bike. And Junior had the nerve to go on facebook live to talk about how they were getting kicked out for no reason.

After leaving that trainwreck, I went to Cookout…because Thank Heavens and Sweet Baby Jesus they are open til like 5am! I waited in that long line, because apparently everyone was hungry too. As I was waiting, a patron in the other lane blew a huge puff of smoke as he grabbed his food from the young boy. I proceeded with my order… my Chicken sandwich tray double onion rings, and sweet tea. Don’t judge me. I got my total and said, “Thank you and Merry Christmas” as I pulled forward.

Now..again..it’s like 3am…and at this point its Christmas Eve. So I made it to the window, 4 crew members came over. Staring in my truck. I thought they were going to tell me I had to reorder because they were out of chicken. One girl had tears in her eyes. And I was thinking, “It’s just chicken! It ain’t that serious.”

But the cashier opened the window and said… “You made our night. No one has said Merry Christmas to us all night. You have no idea what that means to us, and now its Christmas Eve and we are still working.” She looked like a young high school to college age student. I thanked her and again left my wishes and carried my hips home (again at 3am).

As I drove home, I thought of my son who is with his dad this holiday season and they will come over for Christmas morning.

Yes….we co-parent (I can help you get to a point where you dont want to kill him -check out my coaching services and let’s connect.

But, I thought about the impressions I make on him when he sees me speaking to people in public or hears the language I use in conversation. I was reminded of how much children watch and DO what they see. So when they are cutting up and acting a fool in school or public…it’s a generally a reflection of you and what you have taught or failed to teach them at home.

I thought of Glamma and those young people at the drive-thru. The looks on their faces were enough to remind me that people lose their damn minds during this time of year. And for what? A few hastags and likes on your social media accounts. It’s Christmas… and while we may get caught up in the hype of buying gifts and shopping, let us not forget the sacrifices that have been made by those before us, walking among us, and standing next to us. If you are out today and using a service, be kind to the person at work. Tell them Happy Holidays. You never know how your words may impact them.

Merry Christmas

UnDENYably… I’m Single!

“Isn’t there a danger that you’ll get so good at being single, so set in your ways, that you’ll miss out on the chance to be with somebody great?” ~ “How to be Single”

So, I felt that this pretty much sums up my new blogging life of me sharing about the fact that I’m single and coming “unhinged” in Singlesland for reasons that sometimes point to the obvious. In a nutshell, there are true moments when I fear that I’m going to become so accustomed to being single that I’m not going to know what it’s like to be with someone else. Or hell, I get to a point where I don’t even know if I really even want to be in a relationship to be honest.

Which brings me…here. Of course I never thought that I’d be in the “30-something never married” category, but here I am! I tend to think that I have a pretty good life with a lot to offer my man-to-be. And it sucks because I really am a good catch. I’m athletic, funny, ambitious, an outgoing homebody, affectionate, and easy to please. And did I mention I’m a kickass Mom?! Oh….And…sex…I LOVE IT. ALOT! Like REALLY! Sounds pretty dope, right? So then it is no coincidence that my singledom comes as a shock for me too. And apparently people have become so awe-struck because they seem to ask that dumb ass question after only a few minutes of conversation with me….you know the Why are you single? as if my own reality hasn’t explored that aspect of life before.

Now I’m sure there are many reasons for which my great and close friends can justify my relationship status. I can hear them now saying things like, “You’re single because you have picked the wrong guys,” or “You held on to relationships that should have ended months (shit even years) before they were finally over.” And I can say without a doubt that more explanations will become clearer on my journey of self-discovery. However, there is one rationale that I can definitely identify with at this time…and that is, “I am single because I choose to be single,” and I am not sure if I want to be anything else but single…

….. Or do I?

My unDENYing truth is that I have treated love as my job in more recent times. I have somehow managed to separate my love for love from my love life. I’m like The Wedding Planner and real-life Hitch helping others in their own walks of love while I enjoy the coldness of the other side of the bed…eh…on most nights. But as a Marriage and Family Counselor who coaches singles, dating couples, and married spouses, I am challenged by those who wonder why they should take my advice, if I can’t help myself.

Well…here’s a litle reality check, you dont have to be an addict to counsel people with addictions. But what you do need to do is to have the experiences, methodologies, and proven practices that work and lead to the greatest success. Don’t believe me, look at the best coaches and analysts in sports. Not all of them have a ring.

UnDENYably, with my many disaster dates, jerk faces, and inconsistent situationships, I can certainly share with you the right and wrong ways to seek and maintain healthy and happy relationships. So follow me on my road down Singles Lane, as I share some stories and thoughts of me navigating being single, to dating, and hopefully balancing a relationship in my crazy/beautiful life using my OWN tips and advice.

Whatever my motivations, decisions, or dilemmas, I ask you to grab a seat, pull up, and hold on for the ride. And if you have any stories or thoughts to share about your history of singledom, or on mine, leave me a message below…or send them my way at justissingle@gmail.com.

Until next time, kisses to you and my UNDENIABLY  Single Life!!