“Once you have children that’s who you are. There’s no way around that. That’s who I am. Your body switches off. I had no desire to date or anything.” ~ Charlize Theron~
Between balancing a hectic and busy business schedule, being inedited with tasks and travel, and running my kid to various sporting events and after-school activities, adding in a date night can seem arduous.
It’s hard enough keeping up with the snack schedule or finding my kid’s sock… or putting on GI Joe’s leg after Hulk pounds him to the ground to remembering to pick up Kids Bop 3227 when it releases…
…And NOW I am supposed to meet him for drinks? Ain’t nobody got time for that!
….So I thought.
The truth is, I knew I didn’t want to be single forever. Heck, there is still plenty of good in me that I know is destined for WIFE status. And damn sure there is MORE to me than being a baby mama! So why was I counting myself out?
There are a lot of reasons that I put out there and they probably aren’t too far from some of yours too….
“I don’t have time to go on a date because I have my son.”
“I don’t have anything to wear because I only have Mom jeans.”
“I haven’t been out in so long, I don’t even know what to say.”
“Ugh…he probably doesn’t want to really date a woman with a kid.”
No matter what the reasons… they panned out to be one thing: EXCUSES.
Excuses as to why I was not dating. I became comfortable hiding my feelings in motherhood than I was in sharing my fears about not finding a helpmate, a husband, hell even just a serious long-term boyfriend. It became easier for me to deal with not knowing or trying… than it was for me to face rejection and transition for me and my son.
At the end of the day my excuses were well thought out LIES.
Honestly, I wanted to date. I thought I was ready to date. So I put myself out there.
I got hurt.
WE got hurt.
……I still believed the right one was going to come along.
And there is great likelihood that you, single mom, are believing (and waiting) for the right one to come along TOO!
As a single mom dating, we carry the blunt of not only worrying about who we’re inviting in our lives, but also in worrying about who we’re inviting in our children’s lives. And the decision to explore and venture the world of dating as a single mom should be thoughtfully and carefully planned.
And yes, dude who decides to date a single Mom…. BY. YOU. TOO!
Last night I had the great honor and pleasure to be a guest on the Sharvette Mitchell Radio Show to share my perspectives of balancing dating, entrepreneurship, AND motherhood. It was an awesome time with the wonderful panel of BOSS WOMEN showing up and radiating their love and openness through the airways.
I finished up the interview last night, having been donned as the “love bird…”
Darn right I’m am because I am just as high as kite in love…
But I was most high because after that interview… I received messages from other single moms who said… they are ready to date, and worried about balancing and juggling their responsibilities.
Yes, we wear a LOT OF HATS as single moms navigating this thing called life. And one of my hats says “Mommy needs LOVE too!” And I have to be willing to throw that hat in the ring, and take a chance. Because I NEED to explore those aspects of womanhood in addition to motherhood.
Of course, dating as a single mom means that we don’t have a lot of time to waste, so we have to be mindful that when we put our hat out there, it’s because we are ready to be courted. So it’s important that we are openly communicating our needs and wants and also choosing a partner who is understanding of the time commitments and restraints that we have in managing our lives. And, as I said in last night’s radio show interview, if your time is being wasted…. RECLAIM IT!
Sister mom if you are reading, or if you have a mom friend who needs to read this… SHARE it so they can catch these few words.
And if you are still sitting on the side of your bed wrestling with your desire to throw your hat in the ring, PLAN YOUR NIGHT OUT! And plan everything else after that. Shoot, if there is one thing that we know from motherhood it’s that we PLAN our whole damn day! Remember when we would time our kids naptime so we could finally shower and eat a snack in peace…?
Plan a night out. Meet someone. It doesn’t have to be for a relationship. It can just be FOR YOU to have an ADULT to talk to. But if you do get a little carried away and meet someone DOPE, check out my date night ideas. I know we can be a little rusty with what we want to do.
And for the record, “I dunno” or “It doesn’t matter” IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE! If we don’t want to hear it from our kids, then don’t say it to HIM!
Remember to check out the interview featuring an awesome panel of women sharing everything from dating mishaps, online dating, and more! Don’t forget to leave me thoughts below.
And if you are really looking for some great tips and resources to help you get back out there….whether dating or just on with your life, then join me on my private Facebook group, Girlfriends Chat! It’s solely for women and I offer LIVE chats every Thursday to help my girlfriends move beyond thinking about it, and into action.
Happy Valentine’s Day! And I will see you next week!