men always lead…

“If he is going to lead in marriage, the he should lead the dating relationship.”

So I debated back-and-forth about how I really wanted to share this blog. There is always this BIG debate on if men of today are capable of leading women and their families. Moreover, this is a pressing topic amongst African American couples, quite frankly just men and women in general. Mostly, much of it comes at the projection of men in society… emasculinity being the primary. And as more and more women are taking charge and leading ranks in business, balancing family, and making money moves as proud single women, the question is often asked, “Are men capable of leading women?”

But that is not my issue.  I firmly believe that men have been given the God-given role to be leaders in marriages and relationships. And I certainly believe that men are and have been capable of dong so. In fact, in EVERY relationship that I have experienced in my adult years…

…which have only been a few…

…don’t get it twisted…

…The man I was dating was LEADING me in the relationship.

The other night I was talking to one of my closest guy friends just shooting the breeze and talking about life stuff… go figure. I am a Life Coach right. Well, as he asked how I was doing in business, life, and love…he also inquired about a guy from a past relationship.

For some odd reason… people like to talk about your past. Ha! I guess I just try to look at it as a reminder that I’ll keep moving forward. That there is no need to worry about checking the rearview. BUT… the same time…I don’t need someone to keep dwelling on the past…. LIKE LET ME BE GREAT NOW.

I digress.

Anyway…. in our conversation I mentioned to him that it was very obvious that my ex-beau had no intentions of taking our relationship to any other level…except for the destination that we had arrived… quite simply, “non-committable” friends with benefits. He was the non-committable.

Well, even with all of that, I FOLLOWED him anyway.

Let me say that again… he was not interested in taking our relationship to any other place or position…. but I…







At this point in the conversation, my friend let out a resounding “WOW!” And he added that it was another moment for which I left him speechless.

And here is where I am going with this, which is why I initially wanted to shy from this piece… as I look over and back in relationships, past and present, the intentions of each man were ALWAYS clear!

Sometimes I picked up on a man’s intentions immediately, and I was able to check and chuck him right then and there before I wasted a second of my time.

But there were a few times that I got a little giddy and excited about dating a fun and outgoing, charismatic guy. You know…the one who you know isn’t a good fit for you, but he is a GREAT guy so you just need some time to CHANGE his mind and for him to see how WONDERFUL you can be together! At the end of the day, he just wasn’t that into me, or he just wasn’t on the same page with what I wanted.

One very simple fact emerges from it all…

Men ALWAYS lead…it just may not be in the direction you were hoping to go!

It was a hard lesson to learn, but a necessary one.  In fact, its a life lesson that applies beyond relationships…. if you are not happy with the direction you are going… then RE-ROUTE that sh**!

Hell even “Dora” (the name I have given my navigation system) asks me, “Do you want an alternative ROUTE?”

Hell yeah!

I most certainly do!

And then guess what she (Dora) does? She asks me follow-up questions.


1. Do you want to avoid tolls: Yuuuuuuupp! Why? Because I am NOT an EZ Pass!

2. Do you wanna avoid highways: Yuuuuuupp! Why? Because I don’t want to just hit Cruise Control or speed down the interstate, with reckless abandonment for my well-being and concern for who else is on MY highway.

I don’t doubt that my ex-beau is out there possibly leading a woman well into a great relationship. To be honest, I couldn’t care less because it’s not my concern. But what I do know is that I have a map for relationships these days. That way, if I am ever being led in the wrong direction, I know how to drive my damn self back home!


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Monique is a beautifully, talented, and successful 30-something single mother of one who lives in Virginia. She has provided family education and counseling for years, and now serves as one of her biggest and favorite clients. From single to dating and dating to single, and even navigating the market as single mother, Monique has been through it all. She finds her passion in being relatable and sharing her experiences with her followers in parenting, womanhood, and dating.

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