You can’t look online for more than 5 minutes without seeing a meme or a photo of a couple with the infamous #relationshipgoals underneath. And rightfully so, people are aspiring to have lasting, loving, and fulfilling relationships.
I’m no exception to the #relationshipgoals either. Right now, my 2018 Vision Board and Journal feature magazine clippings and images of my desired next steps or levels for my love life PLUS my plan of action to achieve them. And for the record…
….YES, FIANCEE TOPS my list….
And why wouldn’t it?! Trust and believe….I’m claiming it! Hell, I play for keeps.
However, these days some people take relationship goals completely out of context. Sure finishing each other’s sentences, watching marathons of Luke Cage and Iron Fist, doing couply-shit, and wearing matching outfits can be fun…but they aren’t goals.
People can get so caught up on looking like relationship goals that they don’t focus on cultivating their relationship goals.
And for couples who aren’t communicating or talking about their relationships, they can become hooked on these vague ideas of what they want OUT of their relationship but fail to realize it when the relationship is no longer serving them. Or worse… fail to realize when they have stopped serving their relationship.
That’s why it’s important for you to have a clear understanding of where you are in your relationship…
….and where you desire for your relationship to go….
Yes, my goal is to become a FIANCEE. I mean if I’m being honest…HELL my ultimate goal is to become THE WIFE.
But getting “the ring” is among other goals that I have for my relationship. In fact, it’s the targeted objectives of my relationship goals that will lead to the more public declaration and promise to wed (e.g., the ring)…..when WE are ready. These targeted areas include: elevating our level of intimacy and connection, nurturing the relationship with my boyfriend and my son, and increasing our time spent together.
What’s also important about relationship goals is that they should be reflective of your relationship from both of your perspectives. Your goals shouldn’t be set with the intention of having to “reach a certain point by a certain time” either. Rather, they should serve as a process by which you and your boo continuously grow individually and as a couple.
And if you aren’t in a relationship…. it’s cool. You can still have relationship goals without seeming like a hopeless romantic or double-tapping your Instagram feed with the stench of “whatever” (aka ‘hating”) treading through your heart.
Prior to dating, I had relationship goals that actually helped me prepare for the relationship I have now. As you may have guessed, they were on the vision board last year too!
So how should you set your relationship goals? What can you do to start thinking or planning your relationship goals?
Well, check out these quick tips below to help you set relationship goals that focus on your love life, increase your self-awareness of your needs and your partners, and deepen your level of intimacy and connection.
1. Focus on your happiness. You should strive to be happy together, not just to be together. Recognize what makes you happy. Learn what makes your partner happy. Goals that focus on your happiness should reflect your personal growth and development goals and ways to build your friendship in your relationship.
2. Align Your Values. Your values are like the glue that holds your relationship together because they are the themes that guide the actions you take in your relationship. Think about what’s important to you in your relationship (or your future relationship). As you explore your values from each of your perspectives, communicate your similarities and differences (needs, expectations, etc.) to align them to your goals.
3. Be REAListic. Relationship goals are realistic when they are true to your relationship timeline and plan. With all the reality TV and the influence of social media, you can get caught up in the fantasy of a relationship. Understand that your life isn’t for ratings so it doesn’t have to meet anyone else’s expectations or standards but YOUR own. Your goals should reflect how you plan to spend time together or create new experiences together.
4. Support Each Other. As you work towards your relationship goals, don’t forget to root for your relationship and partner to WIN! Celebrate your milestones and goal achievements for your relationship as well as your personal goals! Encourage each other when you fall off track. Your #relationshipgoals should focus on complimenting each other, not criticizing. And if you’re single, this is incredibly crucial too. Yes, we can be “backsliders” or fall for the foolery (again) but don’t beat yourself up! Your goals should include frequent opportunities to express your gratitude and appreciation, and remind you of what you have accomplished.
Creating goals for your relationship is a healthy and fun activity to do together! Especially because when you do things together, you give it twice as much power! Don’t forget to re-evaluate and create new goals as you achieve old ones too.
And if you are seeking love…be sure to keep your relationship goals in the forefront of your dating experience.
**Chat with ME**
What are some of your #relationshipgoals and have you (and your bae) developed your goals together? Leave your comments below.