Goes Down in the DM…FOR REAL!

So it’s my DM-adversary with my boyfriend this week! I should known something was up with this snow because that was literally how it went down last year too! A big ol’ pile of snow to keep us tied to the house with cabin fever… chatting it up in each other’s inbox. Eventually, I gave him my number and insisted that he “call me sometime” and soon we were engaged in hours of conversation that I honestly didn’t want to end.

But it’s funny how we connected (rather re-connected) through a string of messages in  response to a post that I shared simply giving permission for anyone to DM something they have wanted to tell me.

The response was a simple blue heart which meant, “I want to ask you out.” My response, was a quick, “Well, if you ask the answer is ‘Yes!'”

And when I hit that send button, I wasn’t thinking, “Oh shit…what did I do?” or “Am I being too forward?” NOPE! I was thinking, “If this negro doesn’t ask me out this time, that’s it! No more second chances.”

Honey and I have known each other since our high school days. Rival schools, but we would talk often during our track meets. Nothing more of it, other than I thought he was super cute and very sweet. Of course, I later learned that he had the biggest crush on me too!

Years would go by before we reconnected on Facebook. I remember a conversation with his sister and I instantly asked “How’s your brother?” Interestingly, when he and I  connected we shared a few messages here and there to catch up, and they would usually end with me inviting him to call me or to catch up when we were in the same town.

Would you believe that each time…nothing came of it!

Back in November 2016, we had a conversation about the holidays, and I again proposed the idea of catching up to do lunch or something… as he was passing through my city and were both going to be visiting our family members, less than 30 minutes apart of each other.


So you can imagine by this point how I was feeling. I thought, if he didn’t respond to this damn heart and explicitly stated prompt, I wasn’t going to keep throwing my name in the hat.

Well, our conversation sparked up about my favorite food, and my availability over the next week. He planned out the date with a few options, until we narrowed down our choice for Japanese. And like the amazing man he is, he arrived a week later to take me on our first date.

And it was the start of our relationship…sorta.  Yeah…NOT REALLY.

Black Love bw.jpg

I can’t tell you when we officially became a couple, because it wasn’t anything formal. I remember asking him to make it official, and he rejected the idea as he felt we needed to take our time and not rush into things. And then I remember the devastation I felt when I leaned against his chest and braved the infamous 3 little words…only to be met with a hug and “You know I care a lot about you, right?” Not that I was expecting him to say it in return.

But let me tell you this….


that he did things in due time.

I shared last week how I didn’t trust the beginnings of a relationship. Well this one, this relationship here, gives me that deliberate, slow, calm to let it happen naturally. Ridding myself of the “what’s wrong with me” thinking.

Let’s be honest, the rejection I felt when things didn’t go as I planned was like I was being friend-zoned. Or worse–that I was going to be the “good enough/right now” girl. My rejection, abandonment, and heartbreak from past relationships started to weigh on me at some point. At times, I felt that just acknowledging how I felt openly created this overwhelming relief that I didn’t have to hold it in any longer, coupled with this immense fear that it was just going to end as two people who enjoyed sharing intimate moments with each other.

And when these things happened, I didn’t blast off to my girlfriends or hit the subliminal relationship memes on Facebook. I didn’t passively-aggressively try to guilt him about his feelings. Nor did I hit the ultimatum. I just slowed my happy ass down a bit, and kept getting to know him. I talked of my fears, rejection, abandonment, and heartbreak, and I also got to know more about HIS fears, rejection, and heartbreak too!

See this is what happens with us in a relationship…especially us as women. We think we are the ONLY ones who have been through disappointments in relationships or think that we are the only ones who can have a wall or block with emotional intimacy.








But if you don’t take a moment to realize this… you WILL be. 

I’ll say it again–timing is everything. As we explored our fears and future perspectives on our relationship, we soon evolved into where we are today. And guess what? WE ARE STILL learning and growing with each other daily.

And when he finally told me I love you… I damn near fainted. Come to think of it, that’s when he actually started introducing me as his girlfriend. Hmm.. how bout that!

I remember at one point in our dialogue we talked about the many times I felt dissed or dismissed in prior DMs… and it was a simple revelation: He wasn’t ready! Maybe he still had some hoe days left. I dunno.

But the truth is, he wasn’t ready because it wasn’t his (or HIS) plan. Now understand that my spiritual foundation is speaking here because I firmly believe that God won’t give us something we aren’t ready for. So understand that when I was making all these plans and hoping for things to come to pass… it wasn’t the way it was intended. In all ways when I made motions to take the relationship forward, Honey’s counter was always reflective of what he wanted for our relationship. Not only was there a divine plan, BUT Honey had a plan too. And ladies who are reading…a man has a plan for you. And if he wants you… he will make that plan known.

Even if those plans are made in your DM.



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Monique is a beautifully, talented, and successful 30-something single mother of one who lives in Virginia. She has provided family education and counseling for years, and now serves as one of her biggest and favorite clients. From single to dating and dating to single, and even navigating the market as single mother, Monique has been through it all. She finds her passion in being relatable and sharing her experiences with her followers in parenting, womanhood, and dating.

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