I’ve been a little…M.I.A.

Hey hey hey!!!!! I’m back in my unDENYably SINgle world!!! And guess what I have been doing? A LOT OF THINGS TO BE A BETTER RESOURCE TO YOU!

So….in the past two weeks life has been a whirlwind! And….I have been thinking of how I can make my blog much better for you, especially as I am reaching more and more followers and know that many will join us on this journey. With that, I am committed to blogging more, and giving you some, hopefully, rich content that you will be able to apply to your fabulously single (or dating…) life! But here is an update on what I have been up to…

Over the past two weeks, I launched my Create Your Vision (Board) Parties in the Richmond-metro and Virginia Beach areas! They were absolutely fab so a “big thanks” goes out to ALL of the participants who came out to celebrate my 2017 seminar launch and to get a better handle on their goals. I was able to connect with about 50 people at these events, and I was extremely happy to see so many different dynamics in the workshops…women and men who were in the retirement and second launch phase, couples who were considering next steps in their relationships, single mothers who were trying to re-map their family and personal goals, and men who were also exploring the single life and pursuing professional passions.

Next up….I  have a few things on my plate that I am planning and working towards offering my followers and coaching clients including a relationship enrichment seminar that will upcoming-eventsfocus on supporting my dating and newly married couples.  This seminar will be moderated by me and led with the help of my wonderfully and blissfully married couples at various stages in their marriages.  In addition, I will be facilitating other seminars that focus on co-parenting without the baby mama/baby daddy drama, and communicating better in relationships. AND….I am launching a free e-course in March that will focus on managing and maintaining a successful (and HAPPY) single life!

You can certainly join my email list to get updates on my upcoming workshops plus tips and resources that you may find helpful with parenting and dating as well! Plus, for signing up, you get two resources to help you better understand your child’s behavior and to help you maintain a successful relationship!

Now…onto the juicy things, which is why you are here, right? My dating life….. Ummm….It’s still there. My phone hasn’t been dry that’s for sure. AYYYEEEE!!! And….I’ve taken an interest in someone.

Yes….I know…. right!

I am taking things slow, and not rushing at all. We are still in the friendship stage with a WHOLE lot of attraction to each other. I will share more…maybe…when it reaches a relationship. Until then…. that’s all you get! Ha! Hey…. I have my reasons for keeping my relationship to myself, and I will actually talk about that in a future blog post (stay tuned)!

And speaking of FUTURE BLOG POSTS…. Guess what SINgluars (my new name for my fellow followers)? I AM COMMITTED to actually keeping you packed with some useful resources and STILL adding in my own twists and dating stories (and yours too so don’t forget to send them to me)! Each week, I will be blowing you up with posts to keep it real, to remain insightful, and to engage you in some discussions about the single life, dating and relationships, and even parenting and navigating relationships when children are in the mix. Here is a detailed look at what you can expect from me in the future:

undenyably-single

 

  • MANCODE Mondays: That’s right ladies… we are cracking the code, sorta! Each Monday I will offer you the man’s perspective on various topics.  Utilizing interviews, polls, and research, we will get an insight into how men really think and feel about issues, such as waiting to have sex, commitment and marriage, and so much more!
  • HUMP DAY Wednesdays: Keep your pants on….its not ALWAYS about sex! But we will be talking about SEX BABY! But…I will be exploring intimacy on more than just a physical level to help us truly reach the BIG O!
  • TALK-IT-OUT Thursdays: This is the chance to talk about relationships and the dynamics that come with them as we date. You can expect stories from me and my followers and even more about how to navigate through these challenges.
  • SINgle Saturdays: Whether you are actively seeking, dating, or happily single, I will share more about taking care of your star player….YOU! From self-care and guilty pleasures, to finding the perfect date night outfit or activity, and even some thoughts on creating your dating profile, these blogs will be all about how to put the best you forward.

I thank you so kindly  for sticking with me! Down below….let me know what you think about the upcoming schedule, and let me know if there is anything that is pressing you. Leave it in the comments or contact me directly!

 

Kisses!

Cuddle Buddy

I seriously think they make these days to remind you that your single…

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Apparently today is National Cuddle Up Day. Yes, like it’s a real thing. The crazy thing is that this is the coldest day of the year thus far for me. Just earlier there were snow flurries. Probably still falling. I mean it’s ice cold. I literally looked at my phone and of course it’s more dry than Don King’s hair!

Meanwhile, I cuddled up with my fleece Five Below pajamas (the best $5 ever spent on Christmas Eve), and watched “Blaze and the Monster Machines” while sipping hot cocoa and marshmallows! Funny thing is that this was while my son slept in my arms!

Certainly, it is the best feeling being a mom, and I especially love the giggles and cuddles with my little boogie! And it is nice that he just wants to snuggle. Such a Mama’s Boy! Sometimes it can be excessive, I mean let me be honest, my kid is clingy!

I wonder where he gets it from?

Oh well…I have a little boy who taps into his emotional brain and is responsibe to touch! Sandbox babes…this is the making of a good man! You will thank me later but Mama Bear still won’t approve!

But on this day, I didn’t mind the cling. The snuggles were so needed to make me feel better after the long, stressful week. Isn’t it amazing how you get all those feel goods (endorphins) released from the touch and affection of a hug and cuddles!

For my couples….cuddling also releases oxytocin, the warm fuzzies that are great for stress release and heart health, and dopamine, that pleasure zone in your brain that instinctively gets you in the mood!!! And the snow is falling. Oh boy…cabin fever = baby making session!

Before the clock strikes midnight, grab you a cuddle buddy and celebrate #nationalcuddleup day! And, if you are cuddled, share how you spent your day!

Hugs 🤗

unDENYably…Friendzoned!

“You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend!” ~ Biz Markie

So here it is…I met this guy a while back. I was feeling him…he was feeling me. We talked for a little while before we actually went out, but when we finally did…it was like instant chemistry. I found him to be extremely attractive, funny, and charming, and he felt the same about me. So we started hanging out. Chillin’ with each other when we could make time with our busy and very different schedules. Catching a movie or dinner here and there.

Things seemed to be going pretty well….
…..UNTIL….
……He FRIEND ZONED me!
Now, I’m not sure how many of you have been “friend zoned” before, but to me it was one of the biggest blows to my ego. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that the foundation of a good relationship is friendship. But for all intents and purposes, I’m talking beyond that aspect.

I mean the, I really like you, but… or the you know, we’re just cool… to even the no f* given I just want to be friends nonchalant response after you mustered up the courage to ask him “Where do you see things going with us?”

Just straight up….FRIEND ZONE.

The fact that I was benched and put in friend zone was indeed crushing especially because I genuinely liked the guy. I thought, and still think, he’s amazing, but I understand why he served me with the curve ball after we seemingly clicked so well. I admit that after I went through my 50 shades of emotions (hurt, embarrassment, frustration, anger, and forgiveness), I accepted my position for what is…at least for now. Ha!

Seriously…. there are some legit reasons as to why a man will friend zone you.  Indeed, my friend zoning was one that I believe was done with good merit and reasoning. At the time, we did not have the same view on our futures. Now that is not to say that things cannot change down the road, but as of now, I am not the woman he wishes to pursue a future.  And I can respect him much more for telling me when he did as opposed to 6 months or 2 years into a relationship.

With about 95% certainty, I can say that if a man throws a flag on your relationship and remands you to the friend zone because he is still dealing with a bad breakup or because he’s concerned about the after math of losing you as a friends should things go awry, then you can believe that he is not being a jerk.  He truly values you enough to tell you his feelings and doesn’t wish for either of you to get hurt.

Now this is your out, and chance to walk away and work to restore the friendship. BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT….. Just as sure as I am saying you can walk away with no major love lost, there are those who somehow wish to challenge the ruling on the field.

Do you know what happens when most women get served the “bro card?” We still try to make ourselves fit to the liking and interests of the guy who just hit us with the Heisman! Mostly this happens because we don’t, or rather, we CAN’T BRING OURSELVES to understand why he friend zoned you.

So instead of falling back, women (and this happens with men too) usually take this as a some unwarranted invitation to try harder. And that’s where things can go COMPLETELY south! It becomes a downright shit-show of imploding emotions and feelings that often end with the rejected person crying her eyes out, listening to the Mary J Blige Pandora station, and calling all of her girlfriends to explain how her “friend” was a misleading liar.

***Newsflash….IF A MAN SAYS HE JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS…. THEN HE JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS***

Despite how much fun you guys have or how great the sex, you’re still just a friend. Wait…Correction…I forgot….

….Because you keep giving it up to him, you’ve been upgraded to the cozy “Friends with Benefits” seating. But don’t get comfortable because this is a seasonal position. This means you are only good enough to hold onto this role until that Full-time Girlfriend who meets all of his qualifications comes along and replaces you….thus sending you back to the bench.

And then you will repeat your emotional cycle, whereas this time your friends will roll their eyes and bite their tongues because they want to shout out “I told you so!”

So my play-dates who are in the friend zone and can’t understand how your bestie can pass you up, let me share 3 clue bombs to help you to understand why you have been thrown into the Let’s just be friends lineup when he doesn’t give you any legit explanation.

Again, not that it’s really necessary because if a man says he wants to be friends… well hopefully you get the point.

But here are my 3 Reasons You are in the Friendzone:

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1. You’re Annoying. You are the one who’s blowing up his phone with random texts, always asking him to go out, or just popping up to hang out. Let’s not forget the million selfies or usies you take each and every time you guys hang out, or the constant checking in when you two go places together just so others know that you two are together. Do I dare even mention the fact that you constantly nag or complain about EVERYTHING he likes to do or watch on TV. Or even the fact that you are probably incredibly petty which escalates your annoyance to utterly obnoxious behavior.

Granted you are just trying to show interest when you ask him to hang out or call him to check in on him, but it can come off as needy and annoying if he has ignored your calls, or waits to text you back hours later. There are 86,400 seconds in a day so if he cannot find one second to shoot you a text, then he’s not interested. Let’s also remember that when he finally does text you with a “wyd” you kill him with the rundown of your whole day because you get so excited to hear from him or you may even explode on him with your emotional rant because he hasn’t replied to any of your texts. No one wants to date a needy, mean girl so you’re probably going to get curbed….alot.

2. You’re a Flirt. We get it “you’re single.” You like to flirt and you like attention. Probably because you’re needy.  Yes, he sees your IG posts and likes the pictures with your breasts perked up or the ass shots in your bathroom, but guess what, so do the other 126 guys who are gawking at you and hitting you with the googly eyes! And I am pretty sure that when you go out with your girlfriends, men are knocking down the door to buy you a drink or you may even pull 2-3 numbers a night. There is no doubt that you slay honey! You are probably the cat’s meow. And to that I say WERK BISH! But the problem is, you call and tell your “friend” all about it.

In some weird way you think it will make him jealous or consider how lucky he is to have a woman who is admired by so many suitors. In reality, he is thinking that you are not serious about a relationship and that you can’t be trusted. A man desires a woman that he has to himself. He wants to show off his woman because she commands attention; therefore, he doesn’t need a showpiece who needs to be the center of the attention.

3. He’s Not Ready. Just to shift things here, and take us women out of the hot seat, the obvious reason why you are in the Friend Zone is because your guys just isn’t ready for a relationship. He has said it to you in many ways, but again you probably ignored the signs because you guys are so great together and do “couply” things. He treats you well. Takes you out. Comes over to hang out. He can be very passionate and sweet. Some women get stuck on the “we cuddle all the time,” but you aren’t making any progression.

Sure you have met his friends, but somewhere in the conversation, he has introduced you as just his friend and he has probably even talked about how pretty the other woman at the party is while you’re standing right there.  There is also the good chance that he has planned trips and events without you, or even gone out to hang with another woman who is also just a friend.

And just when you get upset or get your feelings hurt, which leads to your desire to confront him, he snaps at you and tells you “I told you I didn’t wanna relationship.” And then, as if it doesn’t make matters worse, he will call you a few days later as if it nothing had ever happened.

Getting served the bro card doesn’t mean you have a bad hand. It just means you need a new partner. Too often we don’t recognize that the person we are head over heels for just isn’t for us. The spark just isn’t there. But instead of taking the facts and moving on, we somehow manage to plow right thru with our warped beliefs in hopes that we can change things. Quite simply…we can’t.

If you are in the friend zone, and can identify yourself in any of these situations, then let it go. You deserve more than what you are receiving and you owe it to yourself to go out and get what you deserve…from someone who is willing to give it to you. And, quite honestly, you cannot be mad at someone who doesn’t find you attractive or doesn’t see you in that way. We all know what we like, and we go after it.

Your “someone better” is undeniably waiting for you… right where you left him…

…..probably in the friendzone. 😜

Until we meet again….